Pumpkins

I went out to the pumpkin patch with my boyfriend and his daughter this weekend. It was a lot of fun. There was a lot of mud, which I didn't really think about until we got there. but I didn't slip! OR fall on my face. I had fun. I really liked the pumpkin patch and it was interesting to go to! (I've never been to one before.)

I was surprise by the colors of the pumpkins.  I got a pale pink pumpkin and I got a small little wart pumpkin thing. 

I also found this while creeping the on pinterest for pumpkins and I thought it would be good to share.

I really wish I could have found some really small baby ones. Cause tiny little pumpkins are super cute. But its okay. 

Gratitiude journal

I really love the idea of keeping a gratitude journal. I think its really important to keep a journal to list things that you are grateful for. They also have really good benefits  Such as:

1. Lower stress levels.
2. Feel calm at night.
3. Gain a new perspective of what is important to you and what you truly appreciate in your life.
4. By noting what you are grateful for, you will gain clarity on what you want to have more of in your life, and what you can cut from you life.
5. Helps you focus on what really matters.
6. Keeping a gratitude journal helps you learn more about yourself and become more self-aware.
7. Your gratitude journal is a safe zone for your eyes only, so you can write anything you feel without judgment.
8. On days when you feel blue, read back through your gratitude journal to readjust your attitude and remember that you have great people and things in your life.

I've seen a couple of different styles to do a journal.

I've also seen some gratitude challenges online and I think its really great. I might do a couple of writing prompts on here, but I really like the idea of doing a real journal. I also found a couple of other things I want to write on here! =)

I think i'm going to start my gratitude journal. It'll also help me focus on the good. Which will help my depression and maybe even my bpd.

sleepover ghouls

These are the sleep over ghouls! I really want them. They are from the monster high minis.  I'm going to hopefully collect them all. I already have one. but I want all of them cause they are super cute!

They probably have the best sleep overs. I kinda really wish they came with small accessories.

Gem stones for my group

Yesterday I went to mineral world which is by an aquarium out here. I went with my boyfriend and his daughter. We looked at a bunch of gem stones. (There was so many!) we also went to a little area which has mineral pebbles and you get to fill up a bag with what ever stones you like.

So I filled up a bag with two of my favorite stones. Rose Quartz and Tigers Eye.  I'm going to bring them to my bpd group on Wednesday to give out to people. =) I really hope people do love them.

I also am going to keep the remaining ones and put them with the rest of my rocks. <3 I utterly love tigers eye!

Necklace

I'm buying this for my birthday from my friend Rebekka. (Also known as Bekkathyst on tumblr.) I really like the cauldron style and I think it would really suit mori kei a lot. I think it would suit dark mori kei more just because of the darker colors of metal and the theme is a bit darker.

A lot of mori kei jewelry tends to be with golds or lighter brass colors. But I think it would be cute to wear and own. I also really like the fact that it uses gem stones.

I can't wait for November to come so I can order this from my friend and help support her. <3 Plus it'll be nice to have another piece she has made.

Girl On The Train

So I saw the movie Girl On The Train with my boyfriend on Tuesday.  I know its based off of a book, but I also have read they changed some things from the book in the movie. I really did like it. It was really good and I liked how the set up.  The unveiling of a character starting off to seem as a bad guy to then be shown by the end that she wasn't. Was really good.

I do want to read the book just to compare the differences. But I thought it was really good.

It does have abuse and I know for some people its triggering. It was uncomfortable for me to see the gas lighting stuff. But I guess it was also nice to see that the character pushed past it and had true and normal anger figuring out she was being gas lighted and that she wasn't the abuser or crazy. But in fact it was her ex that did all of the bad stuff.

Brusies show he loves you

When you are kinky and when you are apart of the 'life style' you get told, and you hear, read and learn a lot that people say bruises show that your top loves you. That they are willing to hurt you for your 'own' good. 

There are tips on the web to make bruising worst, tips to make sure it hurts more. There is images and videos being shared of bruises, and more so you have submissive that show images and they say it shows that their top forgives them.  

Now we could always talk about and debate that safe words are in use, the word no always gets respected. But people don't sit in bedrooms, they don't sit in on play sessions. I've had really good public play and I've been respected.  And I'm not saying that safe play doesn't happen. I've had safe play.  But I've also had danger, I've been in not safe situations.  

And just thinking about the trauma and what it has done, and what it can do. How it impacts someone physically and how it can stay mentally.  I do sometimes wonder how far is too? 

Can we really tell who is safe? Who is sane? 

I lived with a guy, he was my "Dom", he always threatened to throw me out, he always threatened to call the police on me. He always would say he could toss my belongs out when I was at school. He also would hit me really hard and he would say I deserved it. Or he was 'teaching' me a lesson. He also took pictures of it sometimes, and he took videos of it happening. And who knows if he kept them or not. but I did say no, and I did use the safe word at the time. and he did tell me 'I didn't mean it'. and I ended up saying 'okay okay I didn't mean it' after being hit really hard with a cane.

So I have to say this. 

What is sane?
What is safety?

One of the things I have to point out for myself is I have been abused. I came from an abusive house hold. I moved to a city far away from my family and to be with an ex love. When we broke up I had no one, aside from that ex. 

Healing from abuse takes years. Sometimes victims can re-find that abuse over and over. I knew for me I thought It was okay. I've always been a fuck up. I've always done something wrong, I've always been hit. So whats the difference between a belt when I was a child, and a belt when I'm an adult? "consenting" is the only difference. But when you don't know love, when you've put yourself through fear. When you live a life with threats. is it really then consent?

 I use to be told bruises means he loves you. When I was younger I use to get told 'Mommy hits you because she loves you' 'because she wants you to be safe'.  When you say stuff like that to a person, over and over again. It becomes a sound track they start repeating. 

I don't believe violence should be apart of kink. I've realize a few times stuff like this still is carried with me. I'm healing from abuse.  

Sailor moon Swag

I've grown up watching sailor moon and I'm so glad that sailor moon was re-done because now as an adult I can buy sailor moon things. So I've been browsing online looking at sailor moon merchandises. I really like sailor moon and I really would like to get a couple of sailor moon things for my room. So I've been looking and I thought I would make a post of all the cute things I want!

1.) Sailor moon dress! 

http://www.hottopic.com/product/sailor-moon-locket-dress/10581616.html#q=hello%2Bkitty&start=1

I really want this dress, its really cute! I also like the peter pan collar!!

2.)  Sailor Jupiter Wand 

Sailor Jupiter is my favorite! 

3.)  Sailor Jupiter Apron. 

4.) Sailor Jupiter Dress

Shadow box

I collect a lot of things. One of the biggest things I do collect is stuff from the ocean. I love going to the beach and picking up things after big storms have blown by. It kicks up a lot of debar. And it also means that a lot of really interesting stuff comes to the surface and ends up on the beach.

Some of my favorite things to find is sea glass. But I've found so many other things that I get really excited and I like being able to show it off.

I don't take things from the beach unless they are dead. Even if they are barely living I let them live out the last bit of the natural life so I'll leave them. But here are some things I have found on the beach that have passed there natural lives.

I've found everything here at the beach aside from the bigger sand dollar and the purple sea urchin. Those both came from my ex's mom. She found them and ended up giving them to me. Everything else I've found on the beach ready for me to take.

I also tend to sun bleach these things. I do that by using sandwich bags I buy at the dollar store with a ziplock, After I've washed/rinsed off what is on them, sand or bits of sea weed. I will put them in a bag. I take all of the air out of the bag and then put a rock to hold the bag down and I let them sit on the deck and allow the sun to bleach them. :) It also makes sure they don't smell bad. I also tend to re-use the same bag over and over again. I'll rinse the bag out.

I also trash the bag if it starts to smell really bad. but yeah. It helps if you can pick up things that are already dead and already has the animal living inside of it gone. Like crab shells I don't pick up. However I do have some crab molted shells. :)

Baby Pumpkin

I love baby pumpkins. They are really cute! I want a couple!

I really want to go picking for my own though. I don't want to buy one at a grocery store. 

n-n I think I want either a white baby pumpkin or a small orange one.  They also are really cute! I really like pumpkins.

ThanksGiving

Thanksgiving is this weekend! 

I love thanksgiving and I've liked it since I was little. I've always liked this holiday because of really yummy food! I also really like to too cause the house smells so yummy, from apple pie and other things being baked and cooked.  

 I still like this holiday for the same reason. 

I'm excited because I get to spend this thanksgiving with my boyfriend and his friends  We are going to make Ham, Corn, Potatos, Carrots, Cranberry sauce, buns, apple crumble! I wanted to get a box of chocolate from rogars that would be yummy. But I didn't. 

Hat!

I really like my hat. Its cute! It has cat ears too. So now I can even be a cat when its winter!

I have a new baby!

So I bought myself a new baby. I really wanted a pet and I've been thinking of animals to buy. A cat? A hamster? A ferret? a turtle?  a crab?

Well I finally picked one! I got myself a super cute fish!  I talked to my partner and I told him I wanted to get a fishy friend.  My boyfriend said yes, (Not like no would stop me really...) So I went out that weekend and I bought what I needed for a fish.

I bought his tank, some fake plants, wood. ect. and he seems to be happy. I've had him for a week now.

So this is his tank. I thought I'd make it colorful. And yes, its a he. I bought a half moon betta. I named him Snape. :) he is black and a happy little guy. I also call him my baby fish. n-n I like checking up on him during the day. he usually is hanging out in the plants on just swimming around.  

His tail is also still fanned out, compared to closed up so I think he is happy and interested in his tank.

"Hi mommy! I love my new home!"

The only thing I noticed is he likes to hid under the filter. first time I thought it might have gotten stuck, so I turned off the filter and he swam out and then went back under. So I think he likes hiding there. I did buy him a log to hid in. But he does like hiding under the filter.