Dear self

It’s not your fault if someone doesn’t want to be friends with you,  It’s also not your fault if people push you away. The only thing that would be your fault is rudely trying to get people to cut ties with that person as well because you don't like that person, and if other people don't do it, then you hate them too. Thats rude and bad. But we aren't doing that. Right? Right. So your good. Your not a bad person. Your a good person.  Your allowed to be upset, and your allowed to voice yourself. If people try and get you to shush it, or try and shush you. Its fine to speak louder. Its fine to be tired and annoyed of being bullied and treated poorly.  Its fine to speak up and say you shouldn't have to deal with it - Because no one should. It doesn't matter who they are. 

But remember, not everyone is treating you poorly.

Remember the saying, treat others the way you want to be treated and realize that also reflects the other person. If they other person wants to treat you like trash, then no one can make you feel bad for smackin’ em upside the head and telling them you’re not going to deal with it.

Not every single person is going to hate you because you cut ties with one toxic person. Some people do leave, but that’s fine. That means those people are either caught up in the web you got out of, or they themselves are toxic too.

 Yes, stress is normal, being upset is normal. Being paranoid is normal. It happens. It’s a normal and real feeling.  But, We both know what paranoid turns into, it turns to obsessing and stressing even more about something that happened and it’s so bad for you.   You become really stressed out and you feel like everyone is coming at you with verbal knifes when a lot of people aren’t. Yes, some do that. But that doesn’t mean everyone is bad.  

A few isn’t all. 

I love you, We'll get through this.  

- Me

Letter To Me

Dear Me,

Hello there! Its me! I haven't bother to really spend sometime writing a letter to you. I wrote you one a year ago I think. But I haven't really thought about doing it again recently until now. I've been thinking a lot about my passed and all the stuff I've been doing because of you.

We've passed English and we'll be moving on to biology once I get my grades back. Do you realize how great this is? We've been trying so hard to get back on track with education. We had some stuff that stopped us, like the mental illness and the social anxiety and phobia, and we've lucked out so far with our class sizes, but still. Look at what we are doing. A few years ago, we wouldn't have done this. We would have been locked inside of a house, scared to leave, let alone sit in a class with a bunch of people we don't know!  

We are on track for that goal, marine biology. We are so close to that, once we do our first semester of marine biology and we pass, there is a promise for our first tattoo.  I'm excited about that and you should be too.  

I feel like the passed few years, and even these few months, after the breakup I've really learnt a bunch about me. I've learnt how to be strong, how to carry myself and keep going. When the breakup first happened, I was truly scared I'd end up falling on my face or moving to somewheres I didn't want to go. but I'm so proud to see how strong I was able to keep going. I was able to find myself the help I needed, track down people, and keep doing what I wanted to do. Years ago I would have probably been destroyed by the breakup and moved back home. But not this time, and that really really surprised me. I had no idea how strong I was. 

The city we have moved to, and called our home is truly beautiful, the people out here are really beautiful too. And I feel like this positive place has really helped me find my home and my own strength within myself, and this place has helped us heal so much.  We've also found our own beauty. And I mean that, I feel beautiful, I feel like I know what beauty is, and I feel like I can say with confidence i'm beautiful. I can go outside and feel that. 

We are getting far in life. We are young, we still have a lot of time to do a bunch of things. Just remember, we are taking our life one step at a time. 

Lets keep staying on track and beating our mental illnesses! <3 Anxiety, depression, ptsd, ocd, ya'll can leave me. I have no more interest in housing you inside of my body! Leave!  

  Love,

            Sarah