Day 1 : What does therapy mean to you?
Therapy for me means a lot of things. It means finally being able to sit down and feel comfortable talking to someone who is interested in helping me. It also means finding someone who can validate who I am and my experiences. It also means I'm finding someone who wants me to do good. and wants the best for me without having some commitment like 'dating me'. Therapy also for me means admitting mistakes or asking for help when I feel lost, upset and unsure of whats really going on. It also means that I can sit somewhere's and talk about my problems while also being able to be with someone who can catch me when I'm in the moment of 'unwellness' and take a second and check in with me. Or even help me with mindfulness, or grounding. Therapy for me means life, and the enjoyment of life.
Day 2: How did you feel when you were first diagnosed with bpd? And how do you feel about it now?
When I was first diagnosed with the disorder I was pretty upset. Although I didn't let the doctor know - as I tend to worry others might get upset. Or he might ask me "WHY DID YOU EVER ASK IF YOU DIDN'T WANNA KNOW!" <- Lol. So I never told him I was upset.
I also felt really uncomfortable with myself, ashamed, and really kinda lonely. Mostly because I didn't know anyone with the disorder at the time. and the only place I saw it was tumblr, and I also had a bf at the time who was pretty dismissive of my diagnoses and was more interested in patting himself on the back and was more into his arm chair tumblr style of psychiatry. Regardless of that, and that relationship which I'm tiring of detailing. After I broke up with him and decided I was done grieving and I was going to put on my research hat. So I did.
I started to go to a group that had my peers (Or a bit older) with the disorder I started to feel less alone. Like I could see people who had bpd. They seems normal. They also described a lot of the same problems I had, which removed a lot of the stigma and shame of "Yup I'm the only one!" or "Yup I'm a loser!" but more of a "Ah. I'm not alone" or "Wow. It almost sounds like they are talking about me." which really helped me get more comfortable with even poking the bear known as books and I started to read and learn more. Books about borderline, books about mindfulness, books about DBT. Books about this, books about that. And it really started to stick.
One of the other things I really held on to, even back when I was diagnosed was my doc told me I have bpd because of my childhood and its trauma. The abandonment piece of going to shelters with my mom after my dad and her would break up. (She'd break up with him. Only to get back with him months later) but I would have periods in my life where I didn't have a dad. And there was also periods in my life where my mom was super neglectful, or just abusive. (Emotional, physical, and sexual...) And even when they were together a big chuck of my life my dad was out working for the family. And my mom stayed at home. My dad only really started to stay home after I was 14 and he got in his car crash.
But I really feel like a lot of the tough stuff I went though really did did break up who I am more into sections and I deal with the problems now. I also do really like, even looking back today. That my doc explained it to me as a form of "PTSD". I think that might have been the kindest way I've heard bpd be put as. And I think its really true too. (In my case at least)
Now days I feel really comfortable with the term borderline. I think it explains me pretty well. at least when it talks about symptoms and how that can be displayed. I'm also happy I've been learning slowly about DBT. Cause I feel like that is going to be my biggest fighting chance of getting better.
Day 2: How did you feel when you were first diagnosed with bpd? And how do you feel about it now?
When I was first diagnosed with the disorder I was pretty upset. Although I didn't let the doctor know - as I tend to worry others might get upset. Or he might ask me "WHY DID YOU EVER ASK IF YOU DIDN'T WANNA KNOW!" <- Lol. So I never told him I was upset.
I also felt really uncomfortable with myself, ashamed, and really kinda lonely. Mostly because I didn't know anyone with the disorder at the time. and the only place I saw it was tumblr, and I also had a bf at the time who was pretty dismissive of my diagnoses and was more interested in patting himself on the back and was more into his arm chair tumblr style of psychiatry. Regardless of that, and that relationship which I'm tiring of detailing. After I broke up with him and decided I was done grieving and I was going to put on my research hat. So I did.
I started to go to a group that had my peers (Or a bit older) with the disorder I started to feel less alone. Like I could see people who had bpd. They seems normal. They also described a lot of the same problems I had, which removed a lot of the stigma and shame of "Yup I'm the only one!" or "Yup I'm a loser!" but more of a "Ah. I'm not alone" or "Wow. It almost sounds like they are talking about me." which really helped me get more comfortable with even poking the bear known as books and I started to read and learn more. Books about borderline, books about mindfulness, books about DBT. Books about this, books about that. And it really started to stick.
One of the other things I really held on to, even back when I was diagnosed was my doc told me I have bpd because of my childhood and its trauma. The abandonment piece of going to shelters with my mom after my dad and her would break up. (She'd break up with him. Only to get back with him months later) but I would have periods in my life where I didn't have a dad. And there was also periods in my life where my mom was super neglectful, or just abusive. (Emotional, physical, and sexual...) And even when they were together a big chuck of my life my dad was out working for the family. And my mom stayed at home. My dad only really started to stay home after I was 14 and he got in his car crash.
But I really feel like a lot of the tough stuff I went though really did did break up who I am more into sections and I deal with the problems now. I also do really like, even looking back today. That my doc explained it to me as a form of "PTSD". I think that might have been the kindest way I've heard bpd be put as. And I think its really true too. (In my case at least)
Now days I feel really comfortable with the term borderline. I think it explains me pretty well. at least when it talks about symptoms and how that can be displayed. I'm also happy I've been learning slowly about DBT. Cause I feel like that is going to be my biggest fighting chance of getting better.
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