Brusies show he loves you

When you are kinky and when you are apart of the 'life style' you get told, and you hear, read and learn a lot that people say bruises show that your top loves you. That they are willing to hurt you for your 'own' good. 

There are tips on the web to make bruising worst, tips to make sure it hurts more. There is images and videos being shared of bruises, and more so you have submissive that show images and they say it shows that their top forgives them.  

Now we could always talk about and debate that safe words are in use, the word no always gets respected. But people don't sit in bedrooms, they don't sit in on play sessions. I've had really good public play and I've been respected.  And I'm not saying that safe play doesn't happen. I've had safe play.  But I've also had danger, I've been in not safe situations.  

And just thinking about the trauma and what it has done, and what it can do. How it impacts someone physically and how it can stay mentally.  I do sometimes wonder how far is too? 

Can we really tell who is safe? Who is sane? 

I lived with a guy, he was my "Dom", he always threatened to throw me out, he always threatened to call the police on me. He always would say he could toss my belongs out when I was at school. He also would hit me really hard and he would say I deserved it. Or he was 'teaching' me a lesson. He also took pictures of it sometimes, and he took videos of it happening. And who knows if he kept them or not. but I did say no, and I did use the safe word at the time. and he did tell me 'I didn't mean it'. and I ended up saying 'okay okay I didn't mean it' after being hit really hard with a cane.

So I have to say this. 

What is sane?
What is safety?

One of the things I have to point out for myself is I have been abused. I came from an abusive house hold. I moved to a city far away from my family and to be with an ex love. When we broke up I had no one, aside from that ex. 

Healing from abuse takes years. Sometimes victims can re-find that abuse over and over. I knew for me I thought It was okay. I've always been a fuck up. I've always done something wrong, I've always been hit. So whats the difference between a belt when I was a child, and a belt when I'm an adult? "consenting" is the only difference. But when you don't know love, when you've put yourself through fear. When you live a life with threats. is it really then consent?

 I use to be told bruises means he loves you. When I was younger I use to get told 'Mommy hits you because she loves you' 'because she wants you to be safe'.  When you say stuff like that to a person, over and over again. It becomes a sound track they start repeating. 

I don't believe violence should be apart of kink. I've realize a few times stuff like this still is carried with me. I'm healing from abuse.