Guinea Pig

If you've followed me on any website you probably know I've been really excited about getting two really cute guinea pigs. If you know me in real life, you probably know I'm excited cause I'm going to buy guinea pigs!  I preferable want two girls.

I've been doing a lot of research about my piggies.  And I'm also getting closer to being ready to pick out two cute girlies and bring them home and love them forever!

I've bought a couple of things for them.

I made a C&C cage today! I was so lucky I found all of this for $7.99 There was 14 squares. So I made this pretty big. Its 2 across and 4 long. I also like it because I can make it be a bit wider if I want too. 

The picture above isn't the most perfect of the cage it was a quick put together. And I'm not ready. It was done in the middle of the living room. 

I also have...

Puppy pads

2 fleece blankets and 3 baby blankets for them to cuddle in.

Litter pan.  

Dust pan and small hand broom

Micro fiber clothes that are textured. - They are for like swifters or something but I thought they'd be cute!

Hay bag

I still need to get:

Hay

Hideout

Two houses

Food bowls 

Water bottle

I also want to grab a couple of chews for them to play with too.  :)

I do realize the first couple of days they'll be scared of me. So I'm going to just try and speak really softly to them when I feed them. Make sure they are happy babies and otherwise just let them be. (Even though I'll be like.. 'I WANNA TOUCH YOU! I WANNA PET YOU!')

Tsukino Con

I went to Tsukino Con in my city last week. I also volunteered this year for it.

I had fun mostly. I did run into a couple of snags volunteering. Like I dealt with rude people ordering from the concession, and also rude people volunteering behind the concession. On Friday I was thinking of not even going back because I was treated really poorly by people. I left my shift crying. My math skills aren't the best and they also are rusty and everything in the snack bar was mental math and its really hard when people are being rude towards you while you are trying to figure out totals, or how much change to give back, along with people working in your area complaining about how slow you are being, but also laying down on the floor and not even helping.  So because of that I wanted to quit and give up. But I didn't.

I had a better Saturday and sunday. I also worked with a lady who was really friendly and everyone who worked in my area was a lot nicer. We still had some rude costumers. and I just kept telling myself they are hungry and angry. they aren't angry at me, they are just hungnary.

I wish I had planned to see panels better. I only saw one, the rest of the time I just hung out in the artist alley looking at art and buying things. I also didn't really care for the panel I saw. I thought it was going to be happy cause it was "Cure" themed. From the anime called Pretty Cure. But they seemed really mean towards other types of magic girls anime. And they also hated Madoka. It was weird to hear the non-positive opinion of an anime I like. More so I cause it tainted the taste of this group of people.

Anyways, other then the pannel I spent a total for $60 the full weekend. So I only spent $20 per day.

These are some things I bought:

I've wore this a couple of times now! Its the necklace from Madoka! 

I also bought a couple of buttons. 

I wish I had saved money, cause I probably would buy some art. And if they had art for like one of my fav animes. I probably would have freaked out in excitement and been like 'I gotta get this!'

I do want to go again. But I'm not sure if I'll volunteer, I'm thinking if I do, I might pick another area. But I did have fun. And to be honest volunteering seen to also have given me some more kindness towards myself and I feel a lot less useless now that I've even volunteered. Like I feel value in myself a bit more. Which is honestly really nice! 

  I also would love to cosplay next year. 

(x)

I know a lot of people view impulsive behavior as buying things. Like things you don't need. I know I can get like that.

But does anyone ever get the really bad urges to pull out all of your teeth?

Pull out all of your hair? Pull off your finger nails?

Or just do something to your body to shock a lot of people.

Its so freakin’ annoying that I sometimes get in these moods and my brain is like ‘YOU KNOW THIS WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD IDEA! THIS WOULD BE SO COOL’ and I’m like… I feel like this is something I really should say no to.

Would this even be classified as a bpd behavior?

What about my skin picking. Its more of a If I don’t do it X will happen. So I do it. But at the same time… the pain is really nice too. Unless I bruise myself. then its not so nice. But the pulling out my teeth urges and the wanting to rip off full finger nails like from the nail bed seem to kind of really scare me. These don't feel like normal wants. I also hate these feelings too cause sometimes my stomach wants to just twist up inside. I also know sometimes I feel like this cause I feel like I can't have nice things.

I also have been told by a lot of people before I have nice long nails or good nail beds so a lot of it I think is self sabotage but i'm not sure.

Life updates

• My bpd group didn't happen yesterday. It was closed because of the snow. It kinda really sucks seeing as I wanted to bring up something in hopes of getting guidance on.
• I'm signing up for Japanese for the spring. So I'm going back to school in May most likely. I'm really excited. This also means I'm going to buy a couple of really cute scribblers for school at Daiso.
• I'm really excited cause I'm going to be getting two really cute guinea pigs. I have a lot of research and saving to do before I get them. But I do want to get two really cute cutie pies. I also need to brain storm names! 
• I have an appointment with my psychologist finally. Thank goodness. 

Toys I collect

I wanted to post a list of toys I collect.

• Monster high Minis 
• Playmobil - Princess and Fairies. But I also would love some other pet sets.
• Calico critters - They are freakin' cute
• Zelfs 
• My Mini Mixie Q's
• Teenie Genies 

Thats basically everyone. I would say the LOL dolls but they are kinda really pricey and you don't know who you are getting. And spending ten bucks on maybe another twin seems super risky to me. So I don't collect them.

But everyone else I collect is super cute. I really love the little Zelfs and Mini toys a lot cause they don't take up a bunch of space and I hope to some day get a really cute display case for them to sit in so they can hang on my wall. :) 

My Monster High Minis I have so far!

Draculaura - Power Ghouls, Getting Ghostly

Abbey Bominable - Original, Candy Ghoul

Ari Hauntington - Getting Ghostly, Sleepover ghouls

Catrine DeMew- Original

Catty Noir - Original, Pattern

Clawdeen Wolf- Sleep Over Ghouls

Cleo De Nile- Candy Ghoul, Beach Ghouls

Frankie Stain - Original, Rag Doll

Lagoona Blue - Original, Power Ghouls

Rochelle Goyle- Original, Power Ghouls

Skelita Calaveras- Original

Toralei Strpie - Original

Venus Mcflytrap - Circus

Toys

Toys for me, they make me happy. They make me feel Innocent again. They make me feel calm and relaxed. They bring me comfort. They also give me something to look forward to. I like collecting toys.

New Books!

So I've been doing some reading about healing. I've been looking into regression therapy and how it can help with trauma.  Reclaiming your life is what I'm currently reading and its really good. I like it cause it goes though and explains regression and repression and how it works. And how as a child we repress things because its better for us. Our safety.  So its really good to read. I'm still not dipping to deep into trauma work cause its really hard and it is also really exhausting and it is really upsetting.

So I'd rather take little parts. My Worker also thinks my books are interesting! 

I also bought the one called Nice Girls Syndrome cause I tend to be a nice girl, and it tends to make me be a door mat and I want to learn not to be a door mat. :x

Garden Plans!

I'm planning out my balcony garden. I can't grow a bunch of things. But I'm going to pick a couple of things that are really yummy that we can grow this year. I wanna grow some yummy veggies. At least 2 and I also want to plant at least 2 fruits, along with some flowers. I also am going to be buying a humming bird feeder this year too.

I'm excited for spring to come and for this snow to melt so I can start planning more and buying the seeds I need and pots!

Me

Snow man

We rarely get snow on Vancouver Island and we got snow yesterday and my boyfriend and I went to the university to go play in the snow with his other girlfriend. :) We had fun! And look! The snow man is taller then me! 

I really hope you are still standing mr. snow man. :) 

It also was a lot of fun to play in the snow. I haven't played in the snow since I went to ontario to see my family. 

Long time no post

I haven't really posted lately on here. I'm sorry, I feel like I've abandon this place. I didn't mean too. 

 Mostly haven't posted on here cause I haven't been sure what to post about. Christmas holidays came and went. And you know, I did have a good Christmas. I did presents with my boyfriend and his daughter.  And it was fun. I do still find that season hard, but I'm glad thats over.

Mostly this year so far has been my depression setting in and settled down for a bit. Low energy has been a thing. I've mostly been watching netflix and other shows to keep me busy during the days of depression. I hate laying in bed all the time when being depressed. I worry about doing nothing and I worry about how people are going to preserve me because of my depression and how I do nothing.  Which really sucks and it complies more stress and upset and makes depression worst because self worth goes onto of it.  So I try and do things during the day. even if its tiny or things people take for granted, like watching tv. I watched Gilmore Girls, I watched the walking dead, I've watch a couple of documentary's. But none the less its left a mess before getting up and moving on for a bit. 

So I'm getting back to normal. My energy is spiking back up, and I'm not feeling as bed bound as I was before and I have interest in doing stuff again. I'm feeling really good. 

Also I've been learning more about myself lately. I have really learned about my mood and how its really connected with situations and I'm becoming more aware of when stuff could upset me. I've been using the fact checking skills a lot more. I want to try and learn not to be caught up in my emotions. 

I've also be reading a lot about repression and about trauma and how the body stores trauma/traumatic events. I'm learning more which is something I want to do. I feel like the most I do self exploring the better I will become with myself.   And I know thats important in the long run. Is having a healthier me.