Coastal Christmas!

I'm re-falling in love with mermaid stuff again lately. And seeing as Christmas is around the corner I have found out a Christmas style I really like! Its called "Coastal Christmas". And it looks about as cool as can be. It also makes me think of what a mermaids land house would look like to celebrate Christmas.

Half of the decorations look like they could be home made. You could be super handy with a glue gun and make your own cute things.

Sea Shell Angels.  - A super cute idea. It also is really easy to pull off! 

Sea Glass Snow Ornaments - These are really cool.

Sand Ornaments. Really cute, you could also use cookie cutters to make sure you get the super 'perfect' shape. Plus you can make really any sea animal.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Those are just a couple of ideas that you can make for your Coastal Christmas tree.   I really like the idea personally with making your own decorations.  I also have a huge heart and love for the ocean so I think these ideas are good.

Book

This is what I'm going to read for the Christmas season. Its called "A Discovery of witches" Its suppose to be really good. A couple months ago I bought The book of Life thinking it was a totally different book. But in fact its part tree to a series so I finally bought book one. It looks really good and I hope i love it. It has to do with witches. Which is one of my favorite topics with books.

I'm kind of also interested in reading something thats a bit light hearted and different.

I also bought some yummy candies.

Butterfly capes

I saw these really lovely butterfly capes online and I really just wanted to post the few I really like. I really like butterflies.  My favorite cape has to be this purple one.

I like that its short and its really cute.  It would be so cute just to wear around town.  Not that I even really care about people staring at me. Seeing as I've also wore a spirit hood around town and most people just find it cute.

Also this is the shop it comes from: https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/CostureroReal?ref=l2-shop-info-name&section_id=15616856

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One of the things that happens when you get diagnosed with a disorder is you figure out what can trigger or cause your illness to act up. If you are diagnosed with a mental disability you know how important this is. It helps you became aware of your issues and it helps you focus and work on them. But one of the things to really keep in mind is your disorder isn't you.  This is something I've struggled with for over a year now.

Bad days will come and you might feel like you are the walking, talking, disorder you are diagnosed with. But thats not true. You aren't. When good days come, and the light comes up, you notice feelings you haven't had in awhile. Feelings, interests hobbies start to come back up.

The mentally ill community puts a lot of focus on us being sick. Even in the community we aren't people. We are walking talking illnesses. We are BPD, We are depression, we are anxiety, we are OCD, we are these disorders.

Often I hear people use disorders as a part of there identity, its apart of who they are. Its like you meet someone and they say "I'm Sarah, I like anime, sea animals and I'm depression." When you think about that. People don't shake hands with those and say
"Welcome aboard, My name is ___ and I'll be your caption for the sailing today. And I have a heart murmur."

Our identifies are always going to change. What we hold on to in the long run is what matters the most. Our identities are shape most of our lives. As a young adult I have freedoms to change mine now by checking out other religions, beliefs, things I put on and in my body. And so on.

And the fact is, its always going to shift. We pick up interests and hobbies and we drop things that weren't really something that interesting.  We become interested in topics and others drop from our scope of interest.  Think of it this way, we pick up books we think might be interesting. We sometimes don't finish them.  Sometimes they suck, the pacing isn't right. Story telling isn't there. Something with that book and you don't click. We put them back.  Donate. Other books we love and we will re-read and re-read. We will suggest them to other people.

When I see people see themselves as the light of "BPD" Or the light of "Depression" I notice a lot of who they are dies. We become empty shells of illness. In ways we self sabotage. We watch those with the same disorders and we watch how they crumble. And as we watch them from the rumble, we copy. We fall over, we put our own explosive in us and we light them and watch them go off.

Interests? Hobbies? Those go down the drain when the illness takes hold. When people get diagnosed sometimes there full being just drops.

I spent a time 'searching' for who I was. Who I am is who I've always been. I've been me.

I'm Sarah.
I like the ocean.
I like Anime.
I like Japanese fashion.
I love cats and video games.
I like laughing.

I'm not..
BPD
I'm not...
Depression.
I'm not...
Anxieties.
I'm not...
PTSD
..
..
ect.

I have those issues.

I have lots of issues.

But, when labeling them, when getting diagnosed. Take it from me. Getting lost isn't worth it. Maybe you learn a thing or two, but you could learn those same values most likely if you just try and look at stuff from the outside.

Birthday

My Birthday was on Tuesday, and now I'm officially 25.  I'm feeling happy and grateful that I was able to celebrate my birthday with someone I care about and love. Thats one of the happiest things I can ask for.

I had a really great birthday, I got a gift from my friend Dan, it was super cue bunnies. I also took the shrink wrap off of the tarot cards.  I'm going to start flipping through the book I got with them.  Also I went out to the movies with my boyfriend that day too! We watched Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

I've seen almost all of the Harry Potter movies on my birthday. I think she had one that came out in summer one year, but I've seen the rest on my birthday.

I really like Queenie.

Like, I really like her. Her character is so cute.

I really hope she can be explained more. Cause shes one of my favs. I also really loved the creatures in the movie too. I can't wait for more of this world to be explained. 

BTWs for anyone who wants to watch it: There is mother son abuse. I don't want to spoil the story but one of the characters in the story is really abusive to her kids. 

Bye BoS!

I recently lost my Book of Shadows because I had it saved to my computer. Although I feel really sad about this loss, at the same time I don't really mind.  I feel like my Book Of Shadows before was way more focused on the Wiccan beliefs, and I've strayed away from the wiccan belief system a bit. I'm much more a sea witch now and I'm more focused on sea witchery, and kind of stuff compared to just plan old wicca.

I  am going to be re-writing my BoS but this time I want to try and do some stuff differently. I do want to keep it in my binder, but I also want to change things up a bit. I also feel like I'm more motivate this time to stick with it. While as before I did it for awhile and I'd stop, and I get back into it again for awhile, and then I'd stop.

I feel like even just focusing on something like the sea is going to help me a lot more even with mental illnesses blaring away like a fog horn.

But yeah. The loss sucks, but thats okay. Stuff happens.

Crab Sexing!

"Crab Sexing" Or checking the sex of a crab.

I wanted to make a post about checking the sex of a crab.  I only learnt about this maybe two years ago.  And I thought it was really neat.  I always thought maybe you could tell by what size a crab was or something. But nope. The way you can tell a male and female apart is so easy!

So what you do is you flip the crab over onto his or hers back. And you want to look at the tummy area.

So when you flip them, you should see some kind of pattern on their tummies. This pattern will tell you if they are a boy crab or a girl crab.

(See picture below)

Male crabs are going to have the long kind of light house or triangle shape. While females are always going to have wide shape tummy.    Thats also all you do to sex a crab.   

Money

One of the things I struggle with is spending my money. Sometimes I don't want to spend any of it and I get really worried about spending my money on items like even food. Sometimes I can't bare to spend a dollar at the dollar store on something I want.  I get a lot of shame.

Other times I'm the total opposite and I wanna spend money on everything. Food, books and other shiny objects that catch my eye.  During these times I don't deal with shame. I also get driven a lot by my happy mood.

While spending money can be fun, and I do feel really excited and happy when I buy something new and I like showing it off. I have also noticed when I get that 'high' feeling, I tend to want to keep going. Its like, "oh my gosh, I bought this one thing I want, now I need to find more stuff I want to keep this happy mood going! YAY HAPPY"

Putting myself in check I think has really helped me out making sure I don't over spend. Some of the stages I've learnt are from self discipline or even just asking other people.  "What do you do?" 

Here are the things I've found the most useful:

When wanting to buy something, strictly only go in to by that one thing. - If I'm going in to buy a book, go in and buy that book. Do not go in, grab the book I want, then wonder around being like "whao look at all these other super cool books. I better grab em all."  

Take pictures of objects I want to buy - This one might sound super silly. But when I window shop, I sometimes bring my phone with me and I'll take pictures of something I want. I'll then go home, research or see if I do in fact want that object later.

Take out a small total of money and then put the card away-  This does help a lot. I'll go to the bank and withdraw the money I want to spend then I put my card away. Maybe I'll put it behind my ID, just so its out of sight out of mind. Than I have the cash on hand and its easier to spend that way.  

Research - Much like taking a picture of an object. I've dealt with buying objects I feel like I might really like. But I take it home and I'm like "naw I don't like this." I've done this with books. So I've gotten into the habit now of going online and reading about what product has caught my eye and whats it about? and I get a lot of my questions answered. 

Ocean

So today I went out to the book shop. I was on the hunt for a book about sea weed out here. Cause I'd like to be able to remember sea weeds a bit better. I feel like I forgot a lot even though I took marine biology and I thought it would just be really neat to have a guide of some kind with me. But I couldn't find any books on sea weed. I did however find two other books I really wanted. And they are about the ocean.

I'm excited to read both of these. 

Tools Of The Sea Witch

Shells ~
Gifts of the sea, they are used to represent the oceanic deities, Long, spiraled ones signify the Gods, while round shells symbolize the Goddesses. Cowries have been sued for centuries for the latter purpose. Many sea Witches and magicians place shells on their altars for this very reason when performing sea magic at home.

When spells are done by the sea shore, a protective circle can be marked out with a ring of shells. Shells are strung and worn to promote fertility, or to attract money, since they were once used as money.

Take a large univalve (one-piece) shell and hold it close to your ear. You will hear the voice of the sea. Let it speak to you. You may hear messages of the future or past; or the sound of the sea may still your mind for psychic messages to be received.

A special shell you find on the beach may be fashioned into a protective or lucky amulet. A shell placed at the entrance of the house ensures that luck will enter it. Conches or other very large univalves are blown at seaside rites to dispel negativity and to invite the Gods and good spirits to be present at rituals and spells.

Driftwood ~
Driftwood, infused with salt by the sea and dried by the sun on the beach, is the natural fuel for mystic bonfires, which often play a part in magic. Driftwood can also be used in spells. Take an appropriate piece, carve on it with a knife, and throw the driftwood into the sea, imploring it to grant your need. A smaller piece of driftwood can be adorned with protective symbols and worn as an amulet or talisman to attract or repel forces depending on your desires.

A wand can be made from a piece of driftwood; with this wand circles can be drawn on the sand in which magic can be performed. It can also be used to sketch runes into the sand.

Fishing Floats ~
Many years ago, floats, which are used to hold up fishing nets, were manufactured of glass, usually of a blue or green tint. The glass is thick and on the base of the ball is a slightly raised mass of glass, where the ball was sealed tightly during its manufacture. Most fishing floats today are plastic. If you do find a glass ball on the beach, you are extremely fortunate. If not, buy one in an antique or gift shop. Be sure the ball was actually used in the sea, as this charges and empowers it. Whether or not you find an old or new ball, take it to the sea at high tide. Dip it thrice into the water and say the following: “Orb of blue (or green) glass here I charge thee to be a psychic boon to me. When touched with salt your power’s free! This is my will, so mote it be.” Take the ball home, wrap in blue-green cloth, and store in a safe place. The fishing float may now be used as a crystal ball for scrying. Take it out, anoint its base with a dab of salt water, hold it in the cloth, and scry.

Holed Stones ~
If you find a stone with a hole piercing it through on the seashore, take it, for it is a valuable magical tool. the holed or holey stone (aka hag stone) is hung up in the home for protection, worn on a cord around the neck for the same purposes, and is used for many other magical purposes.

Take a holed stone, find a stick that fits tightly through the hole and lodge it firmly inside. Then throw it into the sea. Love will come to you.

To see the spirits of the sea, take the holed stone with you to the ocean at night, at high tide. Close one eye, facing the sea, and put the holed stone to the other. Look through the hole and you may see spirits.

For healing, place a holed stone into your bath water, and add salt. The holed stone is one of the most valuable tools of magic, and is a gift from the sea. Since it is a symbol of eternity and the female force of nature, it is not only a good luck piece and an effective magical tool, it is indeed sacred.

Seaweed ~
There are many magical uses of seaweed. For starters, it can be used in place of many herbs in spells.
Dry a small piece outdoors. When it is fully dry, hang it in the home and it will keep the structure safe from fire. Dried seaweed is also used for kindling the fires on the beach, and is hung as a weather indicator outside. When the seaweed is shriveled up, the weather will be sunny. However, when it swells and feels damp to the touch, chances are wet weather is to be expected.

A small piece of seaweed placed in a jar of whiskey, tightly capped and set in a sunny window, may attract money to your household. The bottle should be shaken everyday.

Fishing Net ~
Trapping evil influences. Draped over doorways and windows, fishing nets can act as a filter to capture harmful thoughts and intentions, and keep them from the living space.

They are also a convenient place to tie charms for timed spells, which is far better and safer than leaving a candle burning for the required number of days.

Sea Witch

Sea witches is a much different practice than regular witchcraft. They derive their practices from most Pagan belief and lore. A Sea witch is more than likely solitary and independent in practice. They embrace the elements of water and wind, also practicing moon magick as well. Why moon magick? Since they are Sea and water oriented they practice moon magick because it controls the tides of the seas.

As far as history is concerned the Sea witch liked to collect objects from the sea namely: Shells, oysters, sea glass, sand, driftwood, and sometime fish bones. They collected these objects to use in their spells and to make tools for their altars. Normally if you see a storm approaching you can bet that a Sea witch is running towards it to charge their tools. Their belief is that the strong energy of the storm charges their tools for the next spell, and the spells are normally cast and carried out at the shore for the mere purpose of being close to the sea to provide more energy and a greater effect in the spell.

Sea magick is considered to be grey magick. It is in between light and dark, this is because the intentions of the Sea witch are good and positive the majority of the time but what they control is a strong force of Mother Nature. Strong winds and storms as well as the tides. They are known for keeping the balance between good and bad magick for using chaos for positive effects and intentions.

Back during the peak of sea trade and sea exploration Sea witches were held in high regard. They were often called upon by Voyagers and Seafarers for a safe and protected journey. At the same time they did a lot of business with the witches. They bought cloth or handkerchiefs that the witches had magically tied in winds with three knots. The seamen would take these handkerchiefs with them on their journey and if they would find themselves stuck at sea with no wind they would use the handkerchief that they bought from the sea witches. Unraveling the first knot was said to give the a soft and gentle Southeast wind. Unraveling the second knot was said to bring a very strong Northern bound wind. The last and third knot was only unraveled in extreme situations for pulling it out was said to bring very violent winds, and gusts even storms.

The Sea witch is not as popular these days due to lack of demand for safe trips and worries of drifting with no wind. Overcrowded beaches also greatly contribute to this too. Sea witchery is not for everyone. A great level of inner peace and self restraint is need to deal and control with the forces of mother nature.

EK! I'm so happy

So I got to open up my birthday gift early this year. My birthday isn't until Nov 22nd.  But being me, I got to open up my gift early! I really adore and love the present I got. I also feel like this is going to kick up my interest again in the craft and re-interest me into researching and adding to my book of shadows. 

I also feel this over whelming feel of happiness and thankfulness. 

I was so amazed and glad when I got my gift.

He got me this Tarot deck! 

I've been wanting this deck for a long time now, I've wanted it since it came out. I feel like I might have saw it first in 2010 on peoples tumblr account being reblogged. And thats around the time I really fell in love with the deck. Its just so beautiful. 

There is something too about getting something you've waited such a long time for that really makes getting that item feel ten times more better.  But after we both carefully opened up the box and I moved the packing paper out of the way, I gave him such a huge hug. I hugged him so tightly.  I was like "oh my goodness. Thank you!" I also felt like my face was swelling up.  My heart was also pumping really fast with happiness.

I'm so glad this is my first Tarot deck. I'm going to treat it well.

Fact Check!

This is probably one of my favorite skills I've learnt so far and I feel like its really effective when I get irrational, and I feel like I know everything. Or I feel like my world is going to crash in on me. I get really overwhelmed sometimes when I deal with feelings and thoughts and situations. 

So this is calling Check the Facts, or checking the facts. Its a really useful tool. It also lets you remember that you don't know everything about whats going on. It helps me cause I really can catastrophize everything. 

=) This is one of my favorite skills and its helped me with emotional situations. 

I languge

After taking my class I took on psychology and doing my local bpd support group one of the things I've really taken to heart is trying to use I language compared to advice language or saying 'you' or suggesting ideas to people. I feel like it helps a lot more for me to speak this way cause I really don't know what those people should do.  I also realize it can be kind of invalidating cause sometimes people also hear so many suggests for ideas and sometimes its better just to have someone say 'I've dealt with something similar.'

 I also feel happier doing it because I'm speaking from my own experience then opinions I might have on subjects that might  not be right or even true.  Unless the topic is super researched and I have science behind me. But most of the time when I talk to people Its not about science, theory or so on. Most of the time its about things that have happened to me, or experiences I've had.

I also feel like its still a bit of a struggle to speak from I, and me. I feel like a lot of the time I still want to give advice, so its a struggle. But I feel like I'm doing a lot better.

What am I looking for?

Do you ever look up at the sky,

at the motionless ocean,

A woods of trees,

a crowd of people,

a bustling city and wonder to yourself.

"What am I looking for?" 

I feel like I spend a lot of my time looking,

seeking, searching. I feel like I could dig my hands

into the surrounding environment and pull up nothing.

Even when my hands are full of so much. My hands could be 

coated, covered, I could be wearing items. Jewels, silver, 

and I still feel so empty and lost. 

What am I looking for?

Who am I looking for?

What is it I'm seeking? 

I wish I knew.

my books

These are my self care books. I wanted to share cause this is what I mostly buy myself currently as treats is books about my illnesses. Some of them are work books, and others are just meant to be read. I mostly have books on trauma but I also am growing a bit of a bpd book collect too.

I really love my collection.