Pride

I'm a bisexual women and I'm rather proud of it too. And I'm excited that this week is pride week. Gay rights and being able to voice that I'm real, and I'm bisexual is so important too me. I have gay friends, I have straight friends, I have bisexual friends.

I'm lucky I live in canada where being gay isn't a big deal. Being interested in the same sex isn't a huge problem either. I'm happy my city has the gay flag hung up down town, and our city cross walk is painted with pride colors.  But you still meet people who have the toxic ideals even in Canada. Which really sicknesses me.

I'm a person who is really proud and open about being bisexual in my life to people. I feel like its something I don't need to hide. I've been lucky enough that the people who know are open minded. I sometimes worry about parts of my family finding out, because some of them still have the thoughts that being gay is bad or unnatural.

When its not.

Whats unnatural is hiding those feelings.  Knowing what sex you are interested in isn't unnatural. Its normal. You were born that way.  

This weekend I want to go to the pride parade.  I hope I can get some pride stuff too for free. But who knows.

Look What I made!

I thought today I would try to do an art project. So I looked around and brain stormed some ideas. I was going to write a post about wanting a bell necklace, but than I realize I have bells and beads so I thought I'll put them together and make my own necklace. 

When I ended up doing was making myself a bell necklace. I love bells, I love the chime nose they make, and I love the look for them. I really like this necklace too. It came out to be really pretty and it really suits me too. I also like it because its a bright color that makes me think of the sky. I like that I didn't do beads all the way around. Its nice to just have a few and the bell.  

I feel relived

So today I got my marks back from my class and I passed! I did pretty good for what I thought I might get. Not the best mark in the world, but I at least got my credits and stuff. So that makes me really happy. I'm going to look into figuring out what the next course I might take is going to be. I want to do something thats going to be interesting and 'fun'.

But I'm just so happy that its over. that class was so stressful. So I feel a lot better already knowing its over, and more so knowing that I've finished it. I'm done, I'm FREE.

Geeky wish

A few days ago I went to Spencer's and I saw a few pieces of clothing I want. The character above is Harley Quinn from batman. I really want some Harley clothing pieces.  What I end up finding a really cute Harley Quinn Romper. Yes, I said it.  A romper that is Harley Quinn styled.  

I love it because its more classic Harley Quinn styled outfit. It also looks really adorable and I really want it.  I'd wear this probably out in public. 

Sea Urchin Shell

I found this sea urchin shell a few days ago. It still has some spines on it. I took off most of its spines and I love the colors that was on this little one after I took off all its spines. It was dead of course. But look at how pretty it is. <3 

Sea urchins also have a really neat texture to them too.

Sea Magic By Sandra Kynes - Journal questions

I've taken the questions from section one in my book from Sandra Kynes and I thought I would answer the questions on here.  This is my journal and I feel like this might be the best place to answer some of these questions.

What does the word magic mean to you?  The word magic means to me something that is wonderfully strange and has unexplained proprieties that works Although I am a witch I still feel like in a lot of ways magic is still very unexplained to me, and it has a very mystic aura around it. Magic is in the wind, the ocean, in humans, plants and animals. I feel like magic is really creative and it exists as much as we do.

What does water mean to you? in general and ocean water  specifically?  Water is the means of life, everything needs water in order to keep living, from big plants and small plants to animals.  Some animals and life forms use water as a habit  a place to be safe and there home,  and with out it they'd die. Other a life needs water to keep going, like humans do, and plants that live on land. Water is really important. And Ocean water is super important to me because it lets so much life that lives in the ocean and around it. Creatures count on the ocean to live.

What have you felt while watching the ocean? (I cut the rest of this off for myself)  I feel really calm, relaxed and more at center with myself when I'm watching the ocean.  It really helps me with my anxiety and depression. It also really calms my ptsd. Even when the water can be tougher, like watching big rolling waves its still very relaxing for me. As I watch I feel like the bad stuff in my life is being taken out and more good stuff is being brought back on shore while the waves crash back and forth. I've also felt the a sense of wonder, strength. When I'm by the ocean I start to feel very strong. Like I can take on about anything. 

What sensations did you experience with the sea centering practice?  Was it similar to grounding or was there a clear difference for you? I haven't tried the sea centering practice yet. So I really can't put any in put on that one.  I do really want to try it. I might try it the next time I'm at the beach.

Making a Promise

For this summer my two biggest goals is to try and go out often and try and do a lot of photography. I haven't been able to do a lot of it because of my class. But now that I'm not in school, I feel like I'll be able to go out more. Also as I said in my last post, I made a friend from my class. And we both are photographers, and we both love exploring so this summer I think will more then likely be able to go out and take photos. And that makes me so happy too!

I've done about three courses and my third one I finally made a friend. <3 So I'm happy.

I also really want to get back into blogging more. I feel like I haven't been able to get into blogging for awhile now. Its sometimes really hard to even figure out what to write a post on. But this summer I really want to try and make more posts. Or at least do one post per day.

Chitons

So on Monday my friend I went out to the beach to go beach combing. To look at life and pick up dead things. I found a Katy Chiton. It was dead. It washed up on shore. and I found it to be really neat so I brought it home and now its in a jar.

Chitons when they aren't dead are really tough, they feel really slippery. They also are really hard and you shouldn't pull them off of rocks.  They are stuck there. They eat pieces of algae off of rocks and you can also find them on really rocky shore lines.  They love HUGE rocks. Not little pebbles. 

They have this back armor and they are just really neat creatures. 

Oh and this is what there shells look like that you can find at the beach too. Me and my friend have found them in rocky areas where alive chitons are. 

Wind Chime

I put my wind chime up today! Its so pretty. Oh my gosh. I love it. 

Mermaid couple

I really love mermaids. And I found out one of my favorite doll marker sites has a mermaid couple you can make. When I found it out I was excited. So I made myself as a mermaid, and I made my boyfriend as a mermaid too. I also think this might be the closet doll maker I've ever found that well get my boyfriend's facial hair.  Most Doll markers don't have facial hair.

It was fun to make us into a mermaid couple. I went for a blue fin. <3 My boyfriend's fin is his favorite color which is blue.  

Sea Magic

Sea magic is something I've been really interesting in reading about and learning about more.  I really love witchcraft, and magic. I also really do believe in magic, energies and I believe everything is connected. In a lot of ways I hope I can help mother earth by just doing simple tasks like when going to the beach not picking up alive animals, taking home dead shells if I want one, and not picking up too much stuff. I also feel like I help by bussing, not driving, walking, and I also pick up plastics and other trash at the beach already.

So this really just goes more in hand with what I believe already.  lately I've been reading a book my friend bought me a few months ago and I'm starting to get really into it.

I read a bit about animal totems too. And I've had one really stick out to me. Which is the sea cow, we also know it as a mantaa. I love what it stands for and how peaceful that create is. I also really love dolphins and stuff too. But I'm just really drawn to a mantaa.  I might do more reading about totems but for now. I really want a little mantaa totem I saw at my local wicca shop. 

* * *

Although I am a witch, I have yet to really pick a path for myself. I'm in love with the ocean as most should know and I find sea magic really interesting for me, and it seems like an interesting medium to get into, and I feel like its a fit for me.  So I've been reading more about it. I have a lot of stuff already to make my own alter.   I also was looking more into the god and goddness too and I've finally had two that really stick in my mind. 

So yay. I feel like I can finally start going more on my path, I'm so glad I've been inspired lately again to start learning more about what I believe in and the path I want to go down. 

I also found this coloring page:

Cuddle Bear Family.

(sorry for the shadows I took pictures during the peak sun time. oops)

Look what I got yesterday! I got my cuddle bear family.  My friend sent me 30 dollars and I was able to buy one family with the money. (I now think I should have saved it for that toy fair because I could have tried to get more than just the family. oopsies.)  

But I'm so happy. Like I just feel so much joy. I got to treat myself. 

 I bought the family yesterday after school. I was feeling really ill but I wanted to pick up my bears so bad, and when I got home with it, I just held the box so tightly.I felt so happy and then I opened the box and I was petting my bears. They are so soft, their fur is so nice, oh my gosh.   I got my boyfriend to pet one. And of course he pets the Daddy bear. (My boyfriend is my Daddy bear)  But yes, they feel really soft and cute. And I love the details. I ended up just looking at the dresses, the fabric they picked is so wonderful. Seriously I'm more in love with these guys now.

I love their little tails too.  I'm so happy I have the cuddle bear family.  I have my cuddle bear family. <3

 I don't know how long its going to take me to get all the pieces I want. But next I really want the babies, and then I want to get the camper van,  and then the tent and then I would like to get the baby pool and sandbox too. From there I'd like to really get the tree house set. 

Right now I think they need a home. 

Last field trip for my class!

I went to the beach today with my class for low tide. We went around labeling and identifying species of ocean life that lives on our coast. (The little critters! Not the big ones)  It was fun, we found porcelain crabs and kelp crabs to little decorative crabs.  We also found some purple crabs, we saw different sea stars, sea weeds and even sea anemones and sea urchins. I brought my camera with me. I didn't take pictures of everything. I was busy trying to learn and just look at things, poke at things and watch things live out there life for the little bit of time I got to watch them for. The area we also went too as you can see from the pictures above was also really rocky so it wasn't really clumsy friendly. xD So I spent a lot of time just moving really slow and hoping I don't fall on my face.

This is a porcelain crab. And yeah I put him on my knee. he didn't seem to like being held but he was fine when I put him down on my knee for a quick picture. You can see they have these big pinches. there super neat and cutie little things. They also have long antennae. Which is just super cute!

I'm not sure what sea anemone this is.  I want to say maybe painted sea anemone. 

Helmet crab top. There was no one home in this. I was going to bring it home with me, but I gave it to my teacher in stand. I wanna find one now for myself to keep this summer. Its so neat isn't it? 

Mottled sea star

Six armed sea star. Its just a little babe too! :3 I watched it wiggle its little legs around as it tried to get back into a hiding spot.

Teenager sea gulls. :3 

The rest can be found here: Click here

Moon Snail's Shell

Moon Snail shell. I got this when I was doing shore keepers. >W< Its so pretty isn't it? I really like the branches on it. Some people take them off. but I love the look of shells with barnacles. 

My Room

This is my little area in our craft room/storage room. :3  I thought I'd share it.   

Its so cute isn't it? :3 I've been slowly pulling it together. 

bracelet

My bracelets I've made. The pink one is a lot smaller so I might try and re-make it and make it a bit longer.
I also wanna make a purple bracelet too.

Fears

I’m about to pour my heart into a post.  This is how I’ve been feeling lately and I feel like I really just need to be able to put this into words.  This makes me feel really weak too. I’ve been fighting to recover but I feel like I’m not going too if I do what I want to do.

I’ve been having nightmares about my rapist going to the aquarium I want to volunteer at. I’ve been having nightmares that he’ll show up with either a girlfriend, or a lady he is about to shoot. (I have no idea if he still shoots. I hope he doesn’t) but I’m worried about him showing up at the aquarium, and harassing me. It’s a place I want to go to, but I keep having nightmares about him showing up and harassing me. Either just by verbally or physically.  I’ve had dreams when he has beaten me up. I’ve had dreams when he has just verbally harassed me. I’ve had dreams when he has told people that I was a liar and just trying to get people who I work with to hate me. None of this has happened; this is all in my head. But this is what I’m thinking about. And it’s stretching. I use to be really scared to go out into public because I might see him. It’s almost summer and that fear is starting up again. And it’s going into other parts of my life, like the fear that he might be friends with one of our future roommates.

 I’m scared. He isn’t in jail.  And as much as I want to go to the aquarium and be there... maybe I shouldn’t.  But then I think, should I really let this control me? I can’t let it. But I also can’t hurt myself each day with panic and worry.  

And I mean, maybe he won’t do either of those things. Maybe he would just show up and say nothing and go around looking at stuff with a girl. But I would still feel uncomfortable knowing he is in the same building as me.  I would still be uncomfortable seeing him with someone. I would be uncomfortable to know I feel all of this anxiety and fear and know that he is happy.  As selfish as that sounds.  I don’t want to work or volunteer in a place with the fear that he might show up. 

One of my favorites

This is one of my new favorite songs.  

I also really adore the wardrobe in the video and the hair. Oh my gosh.

I really do like this song. I'm not sure why. Its just really good. I'm also so happy to see Hilary Duff is coming back too. <3 I love her music.

First day of volunteering.

My first day of volunteering was fun. My interview wasn't that bad, I did a lot better than I normally do. It also felt very laid back for an interview. I also got a package of info and things I need to fill out so the next time I go for volunteering I can hand stuff in.  Some stuff is a little scary, like a police criminal record check. But a lot of it is normal. I feel a little weird that I need to pay $15 in order to volunteer.   I'd much rather that money also go to something I want to pay for and keep. But that’s okay.  I guess.

I got a lot of info today; I think I was mostly taking things in more than doing. I did get to pet a purple sea urchin, it was neat.  It feels like they hug your fingers, and the sea anemone do the same thing.  I did shadowing but I was kind of shy so when we were to greet people who came in, I  just stood there listening to what was said.  

It was interesting, and I think I'll enjoy it for the summer.  As I said, the only thing that weirded me out was paying $15 in order for me to rent a vest. I'm not sure what the 5 goes too. I mean I do get the ten back, I just don't get the five. I guess it goes to other fees. But I'm not sure what. 

Oh, I also got to watch a bunch of the fishes eat. It was neat. I wanna feed the fishes too if I can.  

A little Area By My School

This is a little pathway I walk up ever day to go to my school Its so beautiful. The steps are a little steep. (I've tripped before) but its a really pretty pathway.  On my way home I'll go watch the bumble bees shuffle around flower to flower collecting what they need and its just super pretty.

So I wanted to share this area.

My Beads

These are my two boxes of beads for now. I wanna make bracelets and stuff before I get more beads. :3 I wanna make some bracelets for my friends I've made online, and I wanna make a few ones that express me more.  I'm going to make myself a necklace I think.

volunteering

I'm going to be volunteering this summer at my local aquarium. I thought about volunteering there before but I've been so scared to do it.  I think in part my fear is just like, I'm scared of doing something wrong or volunteering for a program that is bad. But after I found out my class was going to go to my local one, I thought more about it. My little sister also was cheering me on to do it too.

This week I'm going to be doing my first meeting with the lady who gets volunteers and I get to work on the floor and than do some paper work. Its going to take a total of 2 hours, but I'm really excited. I ended up telling my teacher and she was really excited! She said that she wishes me the best.

 I also want to do some more shore keepers. Shore keepers I did this week, it's basically ID'ing the wild life in a small square area and totaling the creatures in the box. And I really like it. We saw sand dollars and some other pretty things. I really also enjoyed it because it also works with local indigenous people too. And it just feels like a good way to connect with nature and its also a way to like look after shores that have been hit hard from farms destroying areas and such.

Moon snail

On wednesday I got to see my first a live Moon snail, and oh my gosh. They are so huge and super cute I also liked it because they felt really neat. There flesh feels really nice and interesting. It also felt a bit different than  a land snail. But it wasn't like gooey or anything like that.  They are huge cuties and they dig themselves down. They eat clams. I also think they are in the mollusc phylum.

I was also able to collect my first Moon Snail shell, its currently on my deck and its drying out right now.

Also if you ever pick one of these guys up, you need to put it back carefully, and you want the base (Which is the organism itself) on the ground. NOT THE SHELL.

Excited

I'm so excited for Jurassic World to come out. I want it out already. I might see if my and my boyfriend can see it together for our 8 months this month. :3 The movie is out on the 12th. But I don't think we'll see it until later in the month.

I'm really jumpy so this is going to be an interesting movie to see. I already know I'm going to jump a bit. But I think it would be fun to see. I love Dinosaurs.