Relaxation Gifs

(Not mine)

Gifs like this are really relaxing for me. I can sit here for hours and just stare at the movements of the water, the different shins and the color of the rocks below. Gifs like this seem to really help me too when I'm stressed out or just really depressed because I find them really relaxing and they also have a tranquil effect, they also feel really healing.  I really love them too because there so natural and sometimes its a cheaper way for me to deal with stresses then to get up, get dressed, and then bus to a beach and then walk.  

Clam Chowder

Ingredients

• 1 onion, diced
• 1 clove of garlic, minced-opt
• 3 stalks of celery, diced
• 3  red potatoes, washed and diced
• 2 russet potatoes
•  3 cans of clams
• 4 cups of 2 % half and half, Add 1% milk as needed.
• 1 tablespoon butter
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 4 tablespoons cornstarch
• 1/8 teaspoon of sage
• 1/8 of thyme 
• 1/8 of cayenne pepper
• 1/8 garlic powder
• 1 bay left

Prep

Open the can of clams and separate the clams from it's juice. Keep both. Crop the veggies. 

For the spies aside from the bay left mix them together before hand in a small box. I guess at how much we really added because we added really small dashes together. Otherwise it'll start to taste like taco mix. 

Directions

1. Add a bit of butter to the pot. Wait until it golden's. 
2. Add diced potatoes, onion and celery and saute until tender.  
3. Add the garlic to the pan.  Saute on low for 2 min or so 
4. Add the juice from 3 cans of chopped clams to the pot. 
5. Add a little water, if needed, to barely cover the potatoes and cook for 6-8 min or until almost tender. 
6. Now add the milk, butter, parsley, clams, bay left, and seasonings.
7. Stir the cornstarch in a small bowl with little more milk until smooth. 
8. Add cornstarch mixture to your simmering soup,stirring until no lumps appear and the soup thickens. You can add more depending on how thick you like your chowder.   
9. Simmer until the flavors come together and the potatoes finish cooking.
10. Enjoy!!

Pokemon I like

Grass

• Deerling
• Bulbasaur
• ButterFree
• Chikorita
• Bellossom
• GoGoat

Fire

• NineTales
• Ponyta and Rapidash
• Flareon
• Cyndaquil   (She’s such a super cutie!)
• Houndour  (Also a dark. But super cute)

Water

• Horsea
• Seel
• Vaporeon
• Piplup
• Lapras

Dark

• Umbreon
• Ghost
• Gastly
• Gengar
• Drifloon

My List of my favorite Pokemon.  

Dear Diary

I feel really excited lately. I’m excited because my school is starting on the 8^th of sept.  (That I know of so far.) This close is also going to be a lot slower. Which all I can say is thank goodness. It won’t be seven or six weeks. It starts in Sept and ends in Dec. Which makes me feel so much better, and its going to take a lot of pressure off. That’s going to be way less strain on me and my anxiety and difficulties.  I’m on a wait list too for English.  The two classes I’m doing is a English one and then a psychology course.

  I think after I do these two courses I’m going to then try some volunteering so I can get my 40 hours I need to get into the program I’m looking forward too. I’m so excited. I will need to look into a place so I can volunteer. It needs kids. I might see go and look at local day cares and stuff and see if they need someone to volunteer there. I'd be fine with that. 

I’m also really excited about mine and Daddy's one year. Its not coming up super super soon, just like in OCT. Which is also like the best month of the year for that reason and for Halloween!  And I’m excited.  I want to figure out something for the both of us to do, maybe we can make a cake. That would be fun. I also want to get him a cheaper gift, but I don’t know yet what I want to get him. I don’t want to get him a video game. I think I might do something creative, and has more of a personal value then a objective value. 

Please Don't Read On a Rainy Day

I'm pre-facing this with a trigger warning: Self harm.

I haven't done self harm in what feels like years. Its something that still nags at me to do. More so when I'm stressed or depressed. I use to do it so I know I could still feel pain and I could remember I'm alive. I get disconnected a lot from the world around me. And sometimes I feel like I'm not even there. Hurting would help me feel grounded again, and that I was real and I can feel things.   But because of what I've learnt, how to ground, how to breath, I have friends that will make me laugh or help me out. And I've learnt better ways to feel alive when I'm disconnected to the world around me. Such as taking a wee bit of food and really just enjoying it and eating it really slowly and feeling the texture and just enjoying the taste and getting the sense of 'yum'. Has really helped me.  Self harm is far away from me, its not something I even want to do anymore. It doesn't 'satisfy' me. To be honest, it really scares me to know that was one of my comfortable coping techniques. I also sometimes wonder how I even possible could have connected it as something I could do to feel better.

I still get the nagging feeling, I get intense pain in the areas I use to hurt. And I wonder if that'll ever go away. But I really don't know.

Dear Diary

This week I should be going in to my school so I can be signed up for my course for the fall. I'm also going to be going for another grant so I can get some money to do my class with too, just so the cost doesn't hit me as hard.  I'm excited about doing my next course. I'm not really sure where I'm going to be heading anymore.  The course I'm going for is for me to work with children.  Its called Early learning and care. I'm excited about that.

I really like working with kids and being around kids. I loved when I was able to baby sit and look after children.  :3 I had a lot of fun when I was doing that.

Dear Diary

I would say this is going to be a rant, but I don't know.  I don't feel really ranty about it. It just feels like I need to talk about it somewhere's. A place to connect my thoughts and express them. Even if they don't connect well.

I try hard not become upset about money and funds because thats how it was in my last relationship, my ex was obsessed with money which made me feel really guilty when I wanted to spend some on myself.  The relationship was more about money value then experiences and stuff. But right now and lately, I'm starting to feel that pinch again.  I want to be able to enjoy things. and I think I need to also let myself know time after time that there are free things to enjoy. I can go on walks and take pictures.  I'm not able to buy things I want right now. But thats okay.

This time my money is in my control, but I still need to be wise and not spend any of it. Other then on groceries.  The reason behind that is for the passed two months our last room mate moved out, and we've been trying to get someone to move in. People have came by and said they'll take it. and then they become very flaky in the process of trying to show up to get the paper work down. We now have someone else who wants to move in, and its promising but its starting to go through the same thing.

The flakiness of people is really starting to get to me.

Not having another roommate is getting to me. - We need a third one so the rent isn't that bad for us.

Not being able to buy some stuff I want is getting to me.

I mean I should look on the plus side, I get food, I get internet, I get to live in a house, and hey I bought a second hand oneise which I really wanted. And those are all good things. I guess its just stuff like I can't go to the dollar store and buy some things I want which is really getting to me.

Youtube

One of my favorite you tubers is Elliev toys. She someone who basically just opens up toys and you get to see whats inside of the package how stuff goes together ect. Her voice is also really calming and I love also listening to how excited she gets.

Shes one of my favorite youtubers.  :3 Shes also really nice and seems to comment back to a lot of my comments I make too! Which makes me feel super great.

Dear self

It’s not your fault if someone doesn’t want to be friends with you,  It’s also not your fault if people push you away. The only thing that would be your fault is rudely trying to get people to cut ties with that person as well because you don't like that person, and if other people don't do it, then you hate them too. Thats rude and bad. But we aren't doing that. Right? Right. So your good. Your not a bad person. Your a good person.  Your allowed to be upset, and your allowed to voice yourself. If people try and get you to shush it, or try and shush you. Its fine to speak louder. Its fine to be tired and annoyed of being bullied and treated poorly.  Its fine to speak up and say you shouldn't have to deal with it - Because no one should. It doesn't matter who they are. 

But remember, not everyone is treating you poorly.

Remember the saying, treat others the way you want to be treated and realize that also reflects the other person. If they other person wants to treat you like trash, then no one can make you feel bad for smackin’ em upside the head and telling them you’re not going to deal with it.

Not every single person is going to hate you because you cut ties with one toxic person. Some people do leave, but that’s fine. That means those people are either caught up in the web you got out of, or they themselves are toxic too.

 Yes, stress is normal, being upset is normal. Being paranoid is normal. It happens. It’s a normal and real feeling.  But, We both know what paranoid turns into, it turns to obsessing and stressing even more about something that happened and it’s so bad for you.   You become really stressed out and you feel like everyone is coming at you with verbal knifes when a lot of people aren’t. Yes, some do that. But that doesn’t mean everyone is bad.  

A few isn’t all. 

I love you, We'll get through this.  

- Me

Temp Tattoos

Temp tattoos have changed since I was last a kid. Temp tattoos seem to look a lot fancier now and have really nice details.  I'm someone who wants a tattoo someday, but right now no. I love dressing up and wearing different things and making changes.

Like a lot of people I've fallen in love with Henna. Henna is so beautiful and I love seeing it hand done, but I can't do it myself and I don't really know anyone else who could do henna really nicely on me.  I try and get it down at fairs if I see it being offered but otherwise I really don't go out of my way to find it.

I ended up looking online about it. And I found a bunch I want of temp tattoos.  I think I might buy some from the dollar store or somewhere's else when I can. and just have some tuck away for a rainy day. It might be a good idea to put even in my comfort box as a self care type of thing.

These would be cute to have. <3 

{x}

My summer so far has been everything I've wanted it to be and more. Its been really relaxing and I've been able to do what I'd like to do. Which is have lazy days or go to the beach and look for sea shells and other ocean things.  Its just nice too because there isn't a limit to where we are going to look and stuff. Me and my friend just plan a day and like four hours or more just to sit on the beach and talk while we look for things. And thats probably one of the nicest parts about it. Its nice to talk to another human being that isn't Daddy. Not that talking to him is a problem. :P But its just nice to talk to another person and speak to someone who has some of the same views on stuff and views on things in a different way and talk about stuff like that.

 I've also been able to work on my smash book more also.  Its not finished I'm still adding new pages ontop of new pages of things. I've been choppin' up flyers when I find some or get them, and I add new stuff in there. I'd like to print out some things, but I don't know.

 But its just really nice to start working on something that I've been wanting to work on. I hope I can fill up more pages because of the summer. I also want to pick up some craft supplies for scrap booking at second hand shops or the dollar store. but right now I'm pretty content. maybe I'll put on one of the used groups I joined on fb asking for used magazines for free.

 I know I want to do a pressing page of local leaves I can find close to me, and then I want to do one for the fall too. I also wanna add a few more pages of just stuff I find interesting, or things I like.  Mostly my smash book is just a book about me.

Cute dolls I want.

These are the three newest dolls I want. *new to me* . They are all from Dinsey, and they are so cute! They are the young versions of the dinsey princesses, like toddler sized so there bodies are also a wee bit chubby, and there faces are so cute and chubby as well.

 They are something I'd need to go to the Disney store for. Which isn't local to me, so these three beauties I'd have to buy during a swing by on the mainland. I hope I can get all three when that happens. Or even just two even. 

All together those three dolls are going to cost me around $75.00 dollars. So I think thats something I'm going to start saving for. 

:3  

(Me)

:3 I wanted to post myself.

Halloween party

This year I think I might do a Halloween party with my friend and her boyfriend, and my boyfriend. I'm thinking of it staying small and with only a few people. We are going to have a tv by then, so we can play stuff like the wii, wiiu, game cube and even on the Super Nintendo.   We also could watch some halloween movies too. Or at least spooky movies.

I'm also going to make a few halloween themed treats. And maybe some form of dinner that is halloween themed. Or at least a real food thats Halloween themed. I also want to decorate our place up a tiny bit for halloween.

I'm also writing about this now compared to later because Halloween is something I like to plan out a bit. I like figuring out food, and stuff to buy. Halloween stuff comes out slowly this month and next month. and then after in September just after school starts it gets kick in full gear and I really just don't want to miss out on anything.  :3

I'm so excited. The last halloween themed thing I went to was a lolita halloween meetup

Second hand shop finds

I'm one of those people who really love second hand shops.  I love the knickknacks, books, craft stuff, clothing, and other random objects. Second hand shops are like a secret land of interesting things. Even If i don't buy anything I leave with a happy smile on my face and I think how great stuff is.

Yesterday I bought myself something super super cute.

I found myself the most adorable onesie ever.  Its Rilakkuma!  

It was only ten dollars and I'm so happy! And its so warm and fuzzy! I can wear it for the winter! For nightwear.

 I'll find more things like this most likely the more often I go and look. I haven't really gone to second hand shops in awhile because I we didn't have a roommate for last month and its really hard on money to not have a roommate. 

 I know now that we have a roommate again money won't be as tight and I can start saving and do a bit of second hand shop creeping and buying. Which makes me happy. 

July 5th

This was our sky on July 5th. all of that color was from smoke from the fires in our area. Well way up island. It was really scary when I found out what it was. It also smelt really really bad. Different ares around here too were having ash fall. Luckily I didn't have that.

I stayed inside that day.

sea urchins

This is my collection right now. 

Bear Family

I took a picture today of my bear family. I had them hanging out around my sea urchins. I wanted to know what was taller, turns out. My bears are taller then sea urchins.

I've also found a few other small things that my critters can have for now. I really hope I can get more stuff. But the little sister bear in the photo has a little teddy. I also found a hello kitty figure shes going to have too. :3

Beach

Yesterday I went out to the beach after I did a bunch of errands. It was so lovely and really needed too. The beach was so relaxing. I went with my friend, my boyfriend didn't come. he wanted to stay home and relax and that was fine. But it was so nice. We hung out in sand that was in the shade so it was super cold and we ran around in the cold ocean water too.

My friend and I both do beach combing together so we ended up just talking on the beach while picking up stuff. I'm really just glad I finally have a who is a girl who also has similar interests too me. And is okay with listening to me while I talk and same back.  I also just feel so happy because we both can do things like just window shop together and its not that bad. 

The two things that are on my leg are fish scales. There so neat. I want to try and find more of them. I might also use them to understand and try and design my mermaid themed tattoo better as well. :3 

This is a 'heart' shaped rock. I'm excited I found one. I've been looking for one of these for awhile. (that and hag stones which I haven't found yet) 

I have a jar for beach rocks I'm finding from the beach for the summer. When this jar is full, I'm going to fill it up with water to see the colors that show up from my rock picking. <3

and this is one for sea shell pieces. :3

Yesterday I mostly just picked up broken sea shell pieces.  I also am going to the beach next Monday too. I'm going to bring a bigger bucket to see if I can pick up some bigger sea shells this time.  This is my collection of my local sea shells so far.

Peter Rabbit

For awhile now I've been wanting a peter rabbit stuffed animal. A bit one not a small one, and I haven't been able to find one for awhile. Until yesterday. I found one that was the right size and the right style I was looking for. He comes with his little blue coat and he is holding a carrot being a naughty rabbit just as he is.   I love peter rabbit.

I was so excited to find this stuffed animal, and it was only 2 dollars as well! I felt like it was such a nice find. I was so excited when I found him. I let his little head poke out of my bag after I bought him so he could look around as we went home.

I have a book of all of the stories Beatrix Potter wrote of peter rabbit and I read them still.

Canada Day

Yesterday was Canada day and I had so much fun.  Yesterday my boyfriend and I headed out to see my friend and her boyfriend. We got to go over to there place and play with the kittens.  There so cute.  I love both of them, but I really like the small little kitten a bunch.   He is so cute. >W< I miss being around baby kittens. 

 I forgot to wear red and white yesterday, I was more worried about being cool and covered.  Thats okay though because I was still happy by heart.  Oh and the fireworks were beautiful! They had my favorite which is the little ones that pop like popcorn. But I do like some of the other ones too.   I had a good canada day! 

Hm, come to think of it. We did have red on when we were eating those ketchup chips I bought.