My story

I've been thinking about this, and I've been thinking about it a lot. I feel like I might end up writing a memoir of sorts. I feel like what has happened to me should be told. I feel like its important to share what happened to me. With my family. My abuse.

I feel so much shame still with what happened and I still feel like I'm to blame. I also feel like in some ways its really hard to speak out about it. Because its so odd. I also feel like my family sometimes doesn't want to hear it, because everyone was so young. Or my dad wasn't home. Or I'm picking at things that shouldn't be picking at. But, these things are picking at me from the inside. The thoughts and memories over take my mind. I still feel disgusting and ashamed. I think that might also be one of the reasons on why I always feel like I'd be better off ending my life.

But I'm thinking if I can tell my story, and maybe even publish it, people might be more aware of the stuff that happened to me, happens.

I know for me, it pained me to search in trying to find people who are victims of a similar thing, but barely anyone talks about it, because is something that seen as so unreal. Its a crime that no one wants to speak about.

Everyone is also so focused on mothers being the ones that always care and do no harm. Fathers/uncles and male counter parts at the ones that hurt people. No females.