Positive Self Talk?

Do you ever feel like there is a little voice in your head? I do, I have a little voice in my head, and it goes and goes everyday, it picks at everything that goes on. The way I look, what I'm doing, the situations I'm in. It just goes and goes and goes. It gets really overwhelming. This voice does a few things for me. One of those things it does is pick at everything I do. I do my hair up, I look horrible, I leave my hair down, I look horrible... Its like with this voice everything I do, everything I try to do is wrong.

Me: I have an idea! I wanna go eat ice cream! Lets go get ice cream.
"Other" me: No, Why the hell would you want ice cream? You're to damn stupid to eat ice cream. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why the hell would you want to eat ice cream, ice cream is meant for people who are deserving. You aren't.
Me: Oh... okay...

Thats one situation, but its always going. Its the second guessing, aggressive voice that wants me to feel down, and crummy about myself. Its the side of me, that would probably enjoy pushing me in the mud. This also is the same side that goes into the abusive mode of negative self talk. As shown above. Yeah its really negative. And when it isn't in the middle of name calling, it just makes... it makes unwanted suggestions.

Like I should...

• I should kill myself
• People wouldn't miss me if I was gone
• Its better I do it
• Ect...

I realize I'm talking like this is a separate being, someone I could easily walk away from. I could just be like "You know, I hate it when you talk to me like this, And I'm tired of it. So I'm just done. Bye." So I realize it could sound like I have some detachment.

But one of the things that I noticed a few days ago, is I was talking to some workers that deal with women who have seen abuse at some point in there life. And I was talking to this lady, my case worker. And she was like "I want you to think of a second. Who does this voice sound like? Do you know anyone who uses those same words" And I realized. Its my mum. shes living inside of me. I've let this women ruin my life, and now I have apart of her within me.

One of the things I was also told, well suggested. Not told to do, because when you are healing, when you are talking to people. People can only suggest meds, they can only suggest methods. They can't force you. But none of the less of this point, Is I was suggested to maybe try some positive self talk. And it made me think, what is positive self talk?   I was told I could try some things, like telling myself I love myself, I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm smart. And I realized also these are the same words I seek from other people to say to me. Although when people say it, it makes me feel funny. You know?

So with this, I'm thinking. Maybe I should start thinking more about positive self talk. When I do something good, tell myself I did something good. If I don't do something good, be like "Well its okay, you did the best you could!" and focus more on making myself feel better. Maybe this will remove the negative voice too. Maybe this will keep my mothers voice at bay. Maybe. I hope so.