First BPD group Meeting

I went to my first BPD meeting on Wednesday for support. I liked it, I felt kinda at peace at a meeting with people who either have bpd, or people who have someone they love very much who has bpd.

When I first was going I felt really stressed. A part of me really didn't want to go, but a different part of me really wanted to. I've been struggling with my BPD and I also feel really odd and alone out there with it. I mean I have a friend who has BPD, and I know there are online communities, but it still makes me feel alone.

So it made me feel really stressed out, and different. Its also really hard when going to school.

It just sucks to feel really alone. Especially in this world. Like my boyfriend understands from the logical view of googling and reading things. But from an inside presentation he doesn't get it. So I guess thats the real reason why I sought out a group. I need to feel like my struggles aren't something I go alone with. 

The group seemed to be really nice, There was also a lot of people. Which isn't normal, or at least thats what the group coordinator said. So maybe this up coming week will be less people. In the group we just talk about challenges we face. Like this week there was a lot of financially talk.

I was quiet for most of the group, I spoke a few times, but I felt really odd because everyone looked at me, and it was hard to focus on looking passed people looking at me. I just tried to keep eye contact with the person I was speaking too, and really hard on not paying attention to anyone else.

But yeah, I really like this group. Also during the end for break, There was a table, that had so many handouts for bpd, I feel like there was about 30 different types of hand outs. I grabbed a bunch. So now I have things to read about. I might end up 3 hole punching them and then putting them into a do-o-tang thing. I have to buy a do-o-tang. Thank goodness for the dollar store.

But I'm really thankful for this ground. I feel less alone.