Seeds tome usually bring life and creation love, and
something beautiful comes from it. Like flowers, or plants. But sometimes seeds
can be planted for nasty reasons. To hurt and injury, the kind of seeds I’m
talking about aren’t the editable ones. Or the ones that grow into something
that smells really pretty, or a bloom into a plant that cleans our air. The
kind of seeds I’m talking about is the mental kind, the ones that are in your
head. The ones that are meant to pre-wired someone to a side, Those kinds of
seeds. The negative ones that can be
planted into your head, by someone saying something as simple as “That might
look nice on you, if you become just a touch smaller.” Things people say that
sound like a touch of care or concern but they those words are also full of
doubt and make you fill up with self-doubt.
A friend of mine told me that she thinks my boyfriend is
abusive and she told me I could do a lot better than being with him. And for
me, that really hurt, I’ve been in abusive relationships so it really just
crashed for me. It was like, someone screaming
deer while someone is driving just to check somewhere reflexes. Because there
was no deer there really, they were just playing a joke on you. Or I guess a
better animal to put there would be a moose because they ram cars. But none the
less, it made me really scared, and I ended up looking really hard, and it also
made me really upset with myself. When I was first told that, because I’ve been
in so many bad relationships before so my brain was like, “Really? Again? Are
you just really this stupid?”. I think
what hurt me more is being told if I brought it up with my boyfriend and asked
him if he was abusive, they said he would say no, because of course if someone
is abusive and they get told they are. That person is going to be like no. But
I really thought about it, Like I sat there and really really thought about it.
And I don’t view him as abusive. I don’t
think he has done anything even wrong, Everything we do together, is stuff I’ve vocally asked for in a conversation
with him. Like asking him if he could help me with my money so I don’t spend it
all. That’s not something he has taken upon himself, its something I asked him
if he could help me with. And he said okay, and we both are working towards
that. He is helping me do it.
I never even told her anything that would flash as a red
light, I’m being abused. The most I said
is we both can’t go to an event she asked me to go to, because finical I can’t
do that. It’s a huge expense to go to an event outside of my area. Take a
ferry, bus, hotel, money for food, money for event ect. Its not cheap. And for
me that’s what really shocks me that someone can assume someone is being abused
for a really reasonable reason.
It hurts me also. It also makes me really mad and anger to be honest. Its betrayal. Of my feelings, and my thoughts and my mental health.
I think what scares me about this too, and what also makes me wonder is how often does this happens? and I wonder why people even do this. Why scare someone who is
happy and tell them they are being abused? When that person hasn’t even said
anything that’s concerning enough to make you think they are abused.
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