Negative Diary

Tonight after a mental breakdown on tumblr and me freaking out on there and writing down things I should have kept in my head, such as the self-blame, I ended up reaching out to a website called 7cupsoftea. On there I found someone who was willing to talk to me, and listen, they were really kind to me. I know nothing about this person, but they told me things like if this is the way people treat me, than they weren’t friends in the first place.  Talking to this person ended up making me feel a bit better and they asked me if I was okay with doing an excise. And yes, my brain thought they wanted me to work out.  But that isn’t what they wanted.

I ended up doing writing, and I wrote down whats upsetting me and why, and how I feel and why do I feel like that. I use to do this a lot as a teenager, I use to carry a little note book with me as a teen, I use to time it and date it, and I use to write in there when I felt upset, or suicidal. But I haven’t done that in so long.

But I think after today, I’m going to pick it up again. It made me feel really nice to be able to write down what was upsetting me fully and it made me feel better just to have it written down. Somewhere’s that isn’t in my head.

But yes, I’m going to start a negative diary. And I won’t be reading it to enjoy it, it’ll be for therapy reasons only and it will not be posted online. But rather written in pen/pencil.