In a way I don’t want to post this, but at the same time
apart of me wants to document this. So I guess that part of me, which really
wants to is getting its wish.
I ended up deleting my tumblrs because I felt like there was
too much drama around it all, I felt like If I kept it up, no matter how long I
went on hiatus I would still have
intense fear around that website, and I would worry about what people are
saying about me. And that fear manifests itself into checking. Checking blogs, checking my tag, checking to
see whats been said, getting emails being told someone sent me an ask. The constant
checking. And if I don’t check, it feels like something bad is going to happen.
What I don’t know.
And overall become really odd and stalker-ish with it all,
and I strongly dislike that feeling. I don’t feel like I should even be obsessive
with something that makes me feel so crappy.
I’m 100% I have some
kind of personality disorder, I’m just not sure what kind of I have.
So last night I decided It would be a lot better for me if I
just deleted. I wanted to delete one of my blogs, I felt odd about deleting
both, but I ended up deleting both while trying to delete one.
But after I deleted I had some sense of relief and I can now say in my
head and out loud its over. Its over, its over, its over.
I did make myself a new tumblr, but I’m not following those
people, and I’m staying far away from that community. I’m going to just reblog
witchery, Halloween, and geek things. Probably also anime, but I’m going to
stay away from the DDLG community. I also want that community to leave me be. <3
I would not presume to tell you what to do but given how you have been feeling, my gut feeling is those Tumblrs come under the heading of things you simply don't need in your life. Getting rid of them is a bind but if you don't de-activate them, even if you do nothing the drama associated with them can continue as others comment and re-blog them forever.
ReplyDeleteI've pulled back from other (non ddlg sites) in the past for similar reasons and feel better for it.
Hugs, Jo.
I deleted the old accounts. I think I might also contact tumblr support and see what they can do about the bullying/harassment that was happening. Those same people have also came here. Which is why comments are now only on account and need to be approved before posting.
Deleteits so ugh.