I'm excited for the toy show!

So this weekend there is a "vintage"toy show in my town.  I'm so excited!

I love toys so much. I also like it cause they tend to have classic toys from my childhood. (So from the 90s) along with toys from even older generations! They also get more current ones too. They get lego (which okay I'm not a huge fan of, but its still cool, and its really cool when they do big setups of them. ) and they also get a lot of other stuff. I know last time I went I got a cute solo littlest pet shop guinea pig. And I kinda hope I find more of those cause they are cute! or even a littlest pet shop house.

I'm hopeful this time I can find some toys. I really want to find a polly pocket with the people inside of it, calico critters. (Cause I love them so much) Also I would love to find more littlest pet shop things. I'm obsessed with guinea pigs. So really anything with that animal... I'll probably buy it.  xD

I also wanted to share a couple of my fav toys from my child hood below. So ;) lets share!

I use to have these!! I loved the 'baby' pokemon inside.

I had one of these - I also know I had a McDonald's one too. I loved these things. But I think I broke one of there arms once. So they couldn't 'fly' for awhile. 

I loved these things, I have a couple even today. I really wanna see if I can find a blind bag or two of them locally just to have the excitement again of opening them.

I also would love to find ty's again. I always see the bears at the second hand shop - but I really love the animals and bugs. They are so cute! and I love butterflies. <3

30 day BPD - Day 8-9

Day 8: What is one of your biggest strengths? 

I think for me my biggest strengths is my ability and wanting to keep growing and becoming better. I think thats really important with recovery, the forever willingness to fight, and even when stuff goes wrong to turn around and re-group and find a new path to recovery I feel is really important and it'll be important for most of my life.

I also feel like the ability to keep wanting to grow and become better is important for other aspects of my life too, like being a good person, or even just my personal goals.

Day 9: Do you have other illnesses going on for you more then just bpd? Please share.

So I have:
BPD
C-PTSD
Clinical depression
Generalized anxiety
Social anxiety
Social phobia
OCD-ish traits. (More so the skin picking but its written down as 'ocd')
psychosis otherwise unspecified

... I also have a couple other health problems and I want to find out whats going on in with my bowels. I'm wondering if I have ibs- or something worst.

Guinea pigs

I haven't done a piggy update in awhile! My girls are doing fine. They had a wonderful summer. They got cool blankets draped over there cage to keep them cool, and ice packs for them to lay on with blankets over top of them.

They've gotten bigger since I last posted them. And Leda and Rosie I think are becoming more outgoing. they still aren't a huge fan of the camera. however they are find with videos being taken of them.

Leda bear is still pretty timid but she's slowly warming up to us. She likes to put her head up in the air to greet us sometimes and she lets her Daddy pet her a little now.. n-n and she lets me pet her. Shes also really brave. My boyfriend put in a new little box/tub for my silly girls. And Leda was the first to jump in and be like "Yeah I can see me eating in here." Rosie was being the timid scared one.  I'm so happy to see shes not as scary anymore. ALSO! I've seen Leda Lay outside of her hids. Just lay, and sleep. Its so freakin' cute! It also means shes feels safe! So yay!!

Rosie is doing well too. She's still out going and silly. I call her happy a lot. Cause she always seems to be happy. Shes also pretty vocal sill. She likes to wheek at me in the morning when I first get up for her breakfast and she also likes to wheek for her snacks. Oh and if I get my own food she watches me eat and wheeks at me. Shes a cute baby bear though. =) she also likes to play and she loves to jump off her sofa's. Its like her staring move to pop corning. "Oh I wanna popcorn, I gotta go jump off the sofa and popcorn after this" Shes my goofy girl. I love her so much.

Oh, I'm also planning them a really cute Christmas. I wanna do cute stockings filled with piggy goodies for them. n-n I need to start figuring out what I'm going to buy them. Plus I wanna buy them two cute woven homes. Cause they both seem to like there current woven hide the best. They take turns sleeping in it currently. Its adorable. Its never empty.

Sooke Potholes

These are a couple of pictures of the potholes we have out here. Its a huge swimming spot for people on the island. Its lovely. I swam here 2 times ever week in the summer. The water was really cool. and you always can just go up or down river and you can find areas where there are no people.

I really want to go next year, and by then I'll hopefully have a nice underwater camera. Cause it looks sooo cool under water. I got to swim with goggles on for my last couple of trips and it looked so cool!

 I'm also hoping I get to go back to the potholes for the winter. Just to see whats going on.

Inhaler project

So I got to do my first project in awhile. I've slowly becoming more creative again. And it feels great. One of the projects did recently was making my own essential oils inhalers. The idea of it would be the smell of the oils is soothing.  I did have to do some research first to find ones that would be okay for me. Luckily there are a lot of websites that let you know about what is not safe or risky to use. So I stayed clear of them.

So I went to a local super market. (Whole foods) and I picked up 2 different blends or oils. Plus also a small bottle of orange essential oil. (It smells so good!)  I also picked up some small lip chap bottles for 70 cents each from a local bath and beauty DIY store. I also went to the dollar store and bought some cotton strips I could chop up and use. I already had the Washi tape hanging around, so I used that to color code each bottle. So I could know which one was which.

.

So this is my supplies all together.  Aside from the scissors I used to cut up the cotton with. I will say this was a more expensive DIY project. But I know I'll use the oils more when I need to re-fill my two little tubs.  

And these are just the two pictures of the bottles of mixed oils I bought and what they are for. They both smell really good! 

Each bottle has there own couple of drops of the oil in them.  I did a couple of drops for each on the piece of cotton I placed in the 'inhalers'. The smell is really nice too. I've been using them for a couple of days and each time I open them, the smell is really refreshing.

I'm really happy with my project. I will change this around once I order the real inhalers. But for now it works well. It'll also help with my anxieties cause it'll give me something pleasant and happy to focus on.

30 Days of bpd - Day 6-7

Day 6: What does identity issues look like for you?

My identity I think and feel like its getting a bit stronger. I try a couple of different things to really figure out who I am. I try and make goals and revisit them in a couple of months to see how do I feel about those same goals. So like I'll create bucket lists. I'll post them here. I'll re-read them later and sometimes I remove items because they were something another partner or friend at the time wanted to do and I was just coping. Or it was an impulsive thing I wanted to do and later on I explored it and decided nawh. Like the christian piercing I no longer want. And thankfully never got.

I also keep track of my interests/hobbies and ideas on pinterest. I like different fashions for example. I like gothic fashions, I like Japanese fashions like lolita, mori and larmn kei, I also like boho fashion. So I have boards for that. I also create boards for my other possible hobbies and interests. I also delete those boards if they no longer apply to me, or peak my interest. One of the other plus sides to using something like pinterest is I feel like its pretty private. On tumblr I always worried about seeming perfect or having that right aesthetic look. 

Also on good days I try and write out good aspects of myself, or list things that I can say make me "me". Like yeah I worry. So that might go down. And maybe that secretly is a plus. Cause you know if you matter to me, you'll always have me wanting to make sure your safe! Although thing I can list is I really like animals. I love them, and I would do anything for animals. Sea animals, birds, land animals. I love them all deeply. And I think that shows a big part of my personality. 

Often when I'm in crisis that is when the feelings of "I don't know who I am" or "I don't know what I want" "I feel fake" come to play.

I do also know as someone with bpd. I often copy others. So if someone starts to talk a way, I might copy that. If someone starts to dress away. I'll copy that. I'll also try and copy music tastes etc. And I find that really hard. It gets a lot worst when I find a FP, cause I often imprint and copy them. Luckily I haven't dealt with that for awhile.

I also know one of my other biggest issues currently is I don't know what I want to be, or what I want to become. Which is why I've stayed away from school. I do know I have a couple ideas. But I'm scared they might not be my own. So I've been just talking about them a bit more and trying to explore them.

Day 7: What are five of your biggest fears?
Mine are:

• Heights. 
• Drowning - I have a really bad somewhat irrational fear of drowning. I'm glad now I have a life jacket for swimming. It just helps me feel safe.
• Having people I really care about disappearing on me. 
• Having my guinea pigs pass away on me, at the same time and feeling extremely alone. (They help me not commit suicide. So they are really important.) 
• Having my mom or anyone else who was abusive towards me and find me.

I do have more. But these are the top ones I can think of right now. I know I also have fears of gaining weight, growing old and becoming bed bound and unable to move. Etc.

30 days of BPD- Day 5

Day 5: If you were having an episode, what would you want your loved ones to do for you?

For me, I tend to need space. I get really introverted and I can get really claustrophobia when I'm triggered, so I really do best with no contact physically with anyone for awhile. Sometimes I do want to be held, or hugged, but I get so overwhelmed with the touching behavior that I can't have it. But there are times where a short hug does help. I also like to communicate love or feelings. I find that really helpful.  Because it lets me know even if something bad is happening someone still does love me.

Even though sometimes I feel like its not true. (yay being irrational!)

However I do like it when my loved ones ask me questions like "Is there anything you need right now Sae?" And it can give me a second to even think about my basic needs. Like "Have I drank water? Maybe I need water." Then I ask for water. Or "Have I ate food today? Should I maybe have soup?" and then I can ask for something like soup. (even if its just broth.) I like open ended questions because they give me the chance to think of what I want or need. Its also nice because it lets me know the person cares, They just aren't pushing there own thoughts of what I need onto me.

One of the other things I find really helpful is when my partner checks in on me. Like in an hour he might come to the room in the house i'm in to see how i'm doing. - Sometimes I am napping, other times I'm to the point where I'm starting to calm down and feel more like I'm willing to explain or talk about why I'm upset. But its really important for it to be within the set time I was told.

Otherwise I start to worry. Maybe they left, maybe they don't care. Maybe they said that just to get rid of me. and a new tail spin of worry happens. and often my anxiety starts to freak out.

30 Days of BPD 3-4

Day 3: What has been the most important skill you have used, when dealing with your bpd?

Some of my most important skills I've used when dealing with my bpd is distress tolerance skills and self soothing skills. So things like grounding. For example the 5-4-3-2-1 skill. Some of the other things I might do is figuring out ways to comfort myself. Like bathes, maybe I need to distract myself so I might watch a movie or show that I know can bring up happy memories. (Pipi long stocking, or anne of green gables are my two fav comfort shows. But basically anything from my childhood!) Allowing myself to have some time of being sad, or unhappy. Because thats important to allow myself to feel these things! I also will use fact check - its one of my favorite skills and its one I remember really well. So I use that one a lot. I'm also learning dear man a bit more. I also find it useful to self validate when needed. (Although this is really hard)

Day 4: Do you identify with the term quiet borderline? Why or why not?

I do Identify with the term quiet borderline. I feel like it describes how I react with my triggers, my trauma and the way I deal with my emotional side. I can be emotional reactive, but Its more so inside. I'm always worried about hurting someones feelings, or upsetting people. I worry about offending others so when I feel hurt I'm less likely to tell the person who hurt me. I also often judge myself, go over things 1000 times a day. And I also will feel like I can't have boundaries because they are selfish. Or my feelings because they are selfish and rude. - But yes. I do identify with the term quiet borderline. I think it explains me well.

Budget and spending.

So I'm starting to making a budget this month. I'm doing the first step which is tracking my spending.  I really want to look at more of where is my money going and what are my spending habits. I also eventually want to also do my mood charting and match it up with my spending. I know I'm an impulsive spender. I do that more so when I'm in a bad mind set. I tend to look for objects to make me feel happy.

So hopefully this'll help me out. I'm doing to do it week by week. I know I already ate up a bit of my fun money on a workbook, a pair of shoes for the winter. (So I can stop wearing my saddles) and I also bought myself a new purse because I like something thats a bit more organized. Its also a happy color so it'll be nice for the winter and fall.

 

This is my bag I bought. It has three sections too. So I can put my activity things in one pocket, my comfort stuff in another. (Including nommy snacks, like nuts or something.) and then I use the middle pocket for more of my important things like my wallet, and my puffer and stuff.

I'm really hoping that budgeting works out for me though as I've never done it before. I've just always been told "don't buy this" "don't spend your money" which doesn't help with a whole lot. I also know for me I tend to then feel like times I need to revolt and be like "Nupe!" So that doesn't really help at all. Plus I know I also want to start up a savings for a couple of things. Like a better Guinea pigs Savings fund. And I also would really like to start working on saving money for trips and travel plans. 

I also know for the mental health aspect of mine, I tend to feel really useless when I impulsive buy or I end up spending all of my money and I have O funds in account. I don't enjoy the living month to month, kind of feelings.

30 Days of BPD Day 1 -2

I created a 30 day challenge for people who suffer from bpd. Its more for quiet borderlines. So there is at least one question that has to do with that. I wanted to share my thoughts here too cause I thought it might be nice and I haven't done a 30 day challenge in awhile. So I'll be posting day 1 and 2 right now. I'll do day 3 tomorrow. (Its technically tomorrow, but I haven't slept yet)


Day 1 : What does therapy mean to you? 

Therapy for me means a lot of things. It means finally being able to sit down and feel comfortable talking to someone who is interested in helping me. It also means finding someone who can validate who I am and my experiences. It also means I'm finding someone who wants me to do good. and wants the best for me without having some commitment like 'dating me'. Therapy also for me means admitting mistakes or asking for help when I feel lost, upset and unsure of whats really going on. It also means that I can sit somewhere's and talk about my problems while also being able to be with someone who can catch me when I'm in the moment of 'unwellness' and take a second and check in with me. Or even help me with mindfulness, or grounding. Therapy for me means life, and the enjoyment of life.


Day 2: How did you feel when you were first diagnosed with bpd? And how do you feel about it now?

When I was first diagnosed with the disorder I was pretty upset. Although I didn't let the doctor know - as I tend to worry others might get upset. Or he might ask me "WHY DID YOU EVER ASK IF YOU DIDN'T WANNA KNOW!" <- Lol. So I never told him I was upset.


I also felt really uncomfortable with myself, ashamed, and really kinda lonely. Mostly because I didn't know anyone with the disorder at the time. and the only place I saw it was tumblr, and I also had a bf at the time who was pretty dismissive of my diagnoses and was more interested in patting himself on the back and was more into his arm chair tumblr style of psychiatry. Regardless of that, and that relationship which I'm tiring of detailing. After I broke up with him and decided I was done grieving and I was going to put on my research hat. So I did.

I started to go to a group that had my peers (Or a bit older) with the disorder I started to feel less alone. Like I could see people who had bpd. They seems normal. They also described a lot of the same problems I had, which removed a lot of the stigma and shame of "Yup I'm the only one!" or "Yup I'm a loser!" but more of a "Ah. I'm not alone" or "Wow. It almost sounds like they are talking about me." which really helped me get more comfortable with even poking the bear known as books and I started to read and learn more. Books about borderline, books about mindfulness, books about DBT. Books about this, books about that. And it really started to stick.

One of the other things I really held on to, even back when I was diagnosed was my doc told me I have bpd because of my childhood and its trauma. The abandonment piece of going to shelters with my mom after my dad and her would break up. (She'd break up with him. Only to get back with him months later) but I would have periods in my life where I didn't have a dad. And there was also periods in my life where my mom was super neglectful, or just abusive. (Emotional, physical, and sexual...) And even when they were together a big chuck of my life my dad was out working for the family. And my mom stayed at home. My dad only really started to stay home after I was 14 and he got in his car crash.

But I really feel like a lot of the tough stuff I went though really did did break up who I am more into sections and I deal with the problems now. I also do really like, even looking back today. That my doc explained it to me as a form of "PTSD". I think that might have been the kindest way I've heard bpd be put as. And I think its really true too. (In my case at least)


Now days I feel really comfortable with the term borderline. I think it explains me pretty well. at least when it talks about symptoms and how that can be displayed. I'm also happy I've been learning slowly about DBT. Cause I feel like that is going to be my biggest fighting chance of getting better.

Self Soothing items I want to buy

One of the things I really like having on hand for me is my self soothing kit. I like having things on hand that I know can help me with my anxiety and grounding. I also know I'm a super tactile person. And recently I've been looking to add maybe two more items to my self soothing kit.  I really like fidget-y toys. Cause when I'm stressed out or uncomfortable I tend to fidget more.

So a couple months back I saw a cube I really wanted. but at the time I didn't buy because it was 20 bucks. I've been looking online to see if I can find it for cheap, and sure enough aliexpress has the very toy I'm looking for, for super cheap!

So thats it. It comes in a couple of others. I like pinkies and purples so most likely this'll be the color I order. I really like it because it has a lot of things to do on it. Which I feel might be nicer then a fidget spinner cause those things have one purpose and thats spinning them. LOL. But this has a lot of different things to fiddly with.  I also know my bf who has ADHD seemed to like it too. (Although he really liked this one that clicked and looked like a small controller) but yeah. I will be buying one of these things this month or next. Cause I think it'll help a lot. 

The second item I really want to get is called Natural oil inhalers.  It kinda looks like a little pen you can put in your pocket or bag. And it just has a bit of essential oil in it. It looks really cool. I'm hoping it'll work. I need to look into it more. But I do know essential oils themselves work for me. And I already carry a small bottle around. So this would just make sure it stays in a easier to get to spot.

Thats what they look like. Kinda like vape pens almost.   But you put the oil in a thin bottle, and then you put a bit of cotton in so it soaks up the oil, and then you put the bit of cotton in these pens. So when you open the pen you smell the oil. 

I also found this interesting. My next part to this task is to figure out a good spot to get a hold of a couple of bottles of oils that aren't going to cost me an arm and a leg. Cause most of the time the bottles are 14-20 bucks each.

. . .

So yesterday I talked to my case worker. We talked about a couple of things, basically my bpd and my psychosis. Cause I've been diagnosed with both. And he had suggest I probably should start trying to do about 20 hours a week of activities. But like scheduled ones.

I need help brain storming some. I think its more pleasureful activities he is wanting me to do. (So not 'well I spend so many hours a week looking after my piggies!!' lol. Although I will say I feel happy cleaning and looking after my babies! they popcorn when there cage gets clean and other things. Its like 'yes! fresh hay! I'm happy' - 'Mom you cleaned up my poopies! I'm so happy! ' )

Like I know once a week for me I go to my support group for bpd. That is a 1 and a half hours.

When it was the summer I went swimming 2 times a week. I attempted to do cross stitching. (I still wanna do it, but I haven't had time.)

I need to brain storm ideas and maybe work on a schedule. I also am thinking I might make a little check box thing so I can actually check off that I did them.

industrial piercing

I really want to get my industrialist done sometime this year. Maybe around my birthday or sooner. I've wanted my ears done like this since I was a 16, but I've never had the courage to go. However I'm older now and I feel ready. Nervous for when it happens and I'll most likely be scared and want my boyfriend to come in with me so I can hold someones hand. (or I'll bring my stuffie... cause needles can make some people uncomfortable. )

I really love the look of the gold bars, or rose gold bars, or the ones with pretty gem stones.

(Like this picture shows a bar with opal and probably a diamond-ish crystal. I would love to get a couple with like amethyst or rose quartz cause I like both of those stones. )

My only real worry is being told my ear might not be the right shape. My ears are tiny and they kinda look like elf ears.  But I guess thats something I also can bring up with the piercing. I mean there might not even be a problem. Ears are ears right? 

I saw "It" Last night!

I've been watching scary movies lately. I've been watching what I feel like for the most part are good scary movies. I saw "The thing". The one from the 80's and a couple of other really good scary movies.  I still am not a huge fan of gore-y things.

So last night I saw the movie IT last night. It was really good. I really liked it. I tend to feel like a lot of modern day movies really abuse the jump scares, this one didn't. It is creepy and different points made me feel uncomfortable, but it was still good.

Update

Hello everyone,

I haven't posted in while on here. I've been really quiet lately.  My last post was back in July.  I've been busy since than.  Although I wasn't really busy with super cool important things. Like getting some cool job somewheres or something else like that. I've been pretty busy. So I thought I would do an update.

My piggy girls are doing well. Leda and Rosie are pretty happy in there cage. They are also enjoying there cuddle time. I was also able to keep them cool during the summer, and I'm so glad I was able to do that. The summer was a huge worry for me, once the heat hit. I was extremely worried my babies could get heat stroke and die. But they didn't and I did a good job keeping them hydrated. They got a lot of cucumber days and a lot of days of cool dark places to hid. I look up and got some ideas of how to keep there cage cool. Plus we also have an air coordinator.

(This is Rose hiding. XD I see your little paw baby girl.) 

There both doing really well, and now its fall, so days are getting shorter and also cooler which means a lot of there cooling down stuff isn't needed to be done.  Oh they also got to do a sleep over at someones house when I was away. That was pretty exciting for them.

For the mental health side I've went out swimming a lot at sooke potholes. I think we went twice a week most of the summer. It was really nice. I love the water. I also like if you swim upstream a little you can always get away from people. Which is really nice.

 One of the other nice things about this is I was able to go out and do actives. Which is really important when fighting mental illness. I'm trying to isolate myself less because when I isolate I make myself a lot worst. Also when I isolate I often just sleep, which means my body isn't making the chemicals it needs to be happy. And I'm also than not doing physical activity. So for me its really important. More so with the goal of wanting to recovery from mental illness.

I also had a really nice camping trip this summer too. I got to jump into glaicer water and I got to go to parksville again. I also got to make smores, drink some booze. and I got to relax. Which I think is the most important part. I was really nervous about camping cause I tend to find it stressful. But I found it pretty enjoyable.

Also one of my friends from Alberta came to see me, I felt pretty happy about that. We went to the gardens out here too.  It was really nice, and I'm so happy I got to see her. I haven't seen her since I was 19. So thats like 5 years now? =) It was just nice to spend time with someone who is really kind.

What else... Oh I went on my first trip to Vancouver by myself. I didn't see anyone, but I did get to go around van by myself. I went to daiso and a couple of places I know really well. I also got to go to hot topic for the first time- which was pretty exciting.   I went to the mall too that was close to the ferry station.

Guinea pigs

I'm thinking of doing a Halloween themed cage for my guinea pigs for the up coming, and the best holiday EVER! Knowing all of this, I really should start saving money for this. I really also want to put there cage up a little high. right now its on the floor, but I would love to put something under there cage. (Even a short table could work.) But yeah. I need to start saving! 

But I've been watching youtube videos to get some ideas. I think my girls are going to have a witchy themed cage, oh or maybe a spooky grave yard. Hmm. I dunno.

Mini goal for the year

One of my goals for this year is to try and work for a vet office. Either as a Secretary and answering the phone and doing front desk stuff, or even as a vet assistant.  I keep seeing them pop up as job opportunities in my area so I keep applying. I would love to do something with animals and more so small animals.  I don't have school training but I've noticed a few ads that don't ask for you to have a degree. Just a willingness to work with animals.  I'm allergic to animals, but I don't care or mind a bit of a runny nose and red eyes as long as I can help animals be happy and comfy. I also think it would be nice cause I got a couple of piggy girls and I know my piggies make me really happy and they help me. So I would love to help people look after there animals that are unwell that make them happy too.

So I'm really hoping I can get a job like this!

Stuff I make!

One of my talents/hobbies was shaping rocks. I really like gem stones. I love them, they make me feel so happy. I love the way they look, I love the colors that pop out from them when they are wet, or shined.  I love how cold they are. I really love gem stones. I use to do some lapidary stuff. It was nice to go off and do it on Thursdays. It was also nice causes it starts from just flat cuts of rock and you shape them, and than you get to grid them and get them to a lovely polish.

I loved doing that. I haven't done it in awhile though. Mostly cause I need to pay for a membership and I don't have money for that, and I hate doing these things alone if I have to be in public. And well the mechines are super pricey... So thats why I haven't been. Cause I would have to be around people.

But yeah, I made these!

Cross Stitch

So I'm starting to take up the hobby of cross stitching. I also bought a couple of different patterns to try. It'll be fun also when Halloween comes around so I can cross stitch things like ghosts and other spooky things. I'll probably start working on that once I get these four things down!

 Right now I'm working on is a sea horse book mark. It has three sea horses.  (Its the one above. Thats just a picture of what its going to look like when its done! Its really nice, I'm having fun doing it. Its really relaxing. I really liked doing the boarder. Although I missed up a little. But thats okay! Its whats going to make it different and special.  I also want to do a bracelet for pride so I need to do that soon.

I also want to get good at this so I can do more than halloween things. I want to be able to cross stitch my little piggy girls and maybe even some geeky things. =)  It would be fun to cross stitch characters like Bulma from Dragon Ball!

Canada Day!

I had a really wonderful Canada Day. It was more of a relaxing Canada day.  Which I think was needed. Downtown always gets so packed and sometimes people are too loud for me. So it was nice to just sit at home and chill for a bit.  We got ready at 7pm for the fire works. Those started at 10! 

We spent the night with my boyfriends friend. and we had a super cool view!

It was really nice, we could see almost 360! And we had a lovely view of the fire works. No ones heads were in the way, and it was high and out of the way. =) So it was nice! The only downside was after the fireworks was done, getting home was very busy. 

 Oh this is what I looked like.

Also thats my new hair color!

I....

I quit my job a couple weeks ago, which really sucks.

I didn't really enjoy the job, but I liked having the money so I could buy things for myself and my bears. Plus I want to go to Japan, I also want to also start a couple of hobbies and I wanted to do a couple of fun things for the summer. But I can't really do that currently with the little bit I have saved up.

But I quit because of bad management and personal reasons. I'm really bummed out that the place didn't work out. You know? But its okay, cause at least I might have an easier time looking for a job now, and maybe I can find something that'll pay me $14 an hour.

I feel like there is something better for me out there. I'm not sure what, I have been looking into becoming a vet assistant. I would like to do something around animals. I also am looking into something else like a shop keeper. I also could possible apply to be a key holder again cause I had that as a job before. Idk. I do know I also don't want to work in an area that has a lot of homeless people and people on drugs cause those two things were really hard for me to deal with. (And I'm not talking about people high on pot)

Parksville

Parksville is a really lovely place!! I've never been and I'm going again later on this summer to enjoy more of the stuff it has to offer. I'm so excited too! I also want to save cause I want to go shopping there. They have a couple of new age spiritual stores. Which I like, I also like those stores cause the clothes tend to feel really comfortable and cozy. But yeah, the next time I go, it'll be a bit more of a planned trip. With some shopping and I've also heard they do sand castles/sand thing building out there in the summer which is cool!

The drive out there took forever! BUT we did see some pretty nice views. =) 

I got to go on Tuesday! I mostly went for the beach.

The beach is lovely. There is a ton of sand, some areas have pointy rocks that have barnacles living on them. But you can walk on this boardwalk and when you see sand you can go and run out and play on it.

The tide was out when we went so we got to explore shallow tide pools and have fish swim across our feet, we also got to point and poke at sea shells, and sand dollars. I also saw sea jellies and a dried sea star. (I want to see some alive ones next time please!)

Look at the baby sanddollars! So cute!


I had a lot of fun at the beach. We searched, played in the water, laughed, and we also had fun.

After we were done on the beach, and done playing on the playground, and we had food in our tummies we were going to leave. But I wanted to wonder around a bit before we left! And I found there Tuesday market! It was cool.  (This is also the reason why I want to go shopping! They have some really cool stores!)

There was a ton of stuff, we had yummy fudge from one person, we also went into a couple of stores, Shades of Green was one! I bought myself a super happy necklace and I got some ocean totems too.

Update

I feel like I should be able to blog a bit more now cause I have an income which means I can blog about doing things, or jotting down ideas of stuff I would like to do. I kinda was on a break with blogging. I also have been kinda in a world of slumber for awhile.

I'm sorry for anyone who has been coming on here to see how I've been! I've been so quiet!

My bears

Update on the bears: 

My wee ones are doing well. I bought them some goodies on my last pay check. They now have some sofa's for them to sit/lay and play on. They came from pet smart. I thought it would be a good option for them cause summer is coming and I need to make sure my babies don't cook!

^ Rose is hiding. And yes, thats an ice cream sandwich.

Thats one of the Sofa's. Shes also standing on Stitch from Lilo and stitch. (She doesn't realize momma loves Lilo and Stitch. But I do!)

=) They've been doing good. They also are use to me going to work really early. So now at six even when I don't work, and I get up to use the bathroom or what have you, they are already up waiting for there good morning greens!

(Leda Enjoy her Dill) 

Reading.

I'm currently starting my task of summer reading. I have a couple of books I really want to get done for the summer.

I've been reading this. Its really good, but its also a harder read for me. It talks about foot bidding in the 19th century of china. And it follows the story of two girls that are paired up. So the first chunk of the story is focused around foot biding, and the horrible process it is. It also goes into a couple of other things, like the young ladies getting excited for being married off. Etc. But the story also has a lot of saddness. Its like ever corner in the book something horrible is happening. I'm at the point where snow flower and Lily (I think her name is?) have finally came down from the mountain and Lily has also found out about the abuse her dear friend has suffered and how there life has changed.

Its really good, but because its also harder to read. I am taking my time reading it. 

I've also been reading this. I've just started it so I'm only about a chapter in or so. I do like this book, and its different from the one above.  I only have about 3 hours left in it. And its been good so far. I don't think its as great as the book above. But its still really good. 

(X)

I feel like a lot of the time I lack some things, like compassion. Or Whats the term I'm looking for? Empathy.

Yes, that's the term.

Empathy is a term I hear a lot of. Its a term I learnt in a psychology class. Having empathy for other people. I tend to find this really hard to do. I mean, I can look at situations and think to myself 'oh my gosh' or 'wow thats crazy' or 'I don't know how I would react' to something. But that tends to be as far as I'm able to really go. I feel like even now I still can't really get myself caught up in the emotions of issues because then I became lost- I no longer can find myself when I get swept up in emotions. Even if I'm thinking "Oh I need to give this person comfort." it can turn to. "Yeah, I need to comfort this person, but wow, this is hard". So I guess for me its really hard to learn to have empathy.

So I started work a couple of weeks ago, and one of the first things I bought with my pay check as a treat was a e-book reader. I've wanted one for years and I finally bought myself one, now I can buy books to read on here! I find it more useful too cause I tend to buy a couple of books at once when I want to get books. ( max is like 6, per visit. )

I'm going to sell my old books so I can buy some new books for my kobo. Plus it'll free up my space and it'll be nice too.

I really like it so far for reading on. Its also nice cause it has a dictionary which means if I don't know a word I can look it up. :) But yeah. I like it! Its good, and I also like how I can be carrying a ton of books around without having to hurt myself!

Life Update!

So my life has been really good! Its been really good to me, and overall I feel like this last year, even with its bumps, its been a good and healthy year.

I've been with my handsome boyfriend for about a year now, we've also moved in together in a short time. And I honestly enjoy my time with my boyfriend, he is a super great person who knows how to make me happy. I also really love him cause I feel like he really listens to what I have to say and stuff. And he has been with me even when stuff gets really hard, or I start to deal with this horrible studder that makes talking and forming sentences hard.

<3 

My guinea pig babies are doing really well too. I've had them for a couple of months now, they've gotten so big! And they are very talkative. Rose bear and Leda are also perfect little sisters, sure they rumble, sometimes they get upset with each other. But they are adore and really sweet babies. I also know they love one another. They make me happy, I also have been plunking money into there cage it seems. I keep buying them cute/cool things for them. Like now they have pvc pipes to play in. They are also growing a huge stuffed animal collection. I guess my biggest worry for them is the summer is coming. I don't want them to over heat so I need to start planning some ways to keep there cage cool for the summer.

<3

Lastly one of the biggest life updates is I finally got a job! I know! After years of searching, I finally had a place give me a chance. Its a fun job, I like it. I don't mind how fast paced it is either. I feel like I sometimes do get all frazzled about whats going on. And some of the customers really and truly do confuse me. But I'm getting more comfortable, I ended up cutting my hours back because of physical and mental health reasons. I also prefer doing drive thru, compared to front counter. I feel safer doing drive thru just cause I can close a wind before moving on to  the next guest vs, people just walking up and starting to order even though i'm not ready.
Having a job is also nice cause now i'm able to start saving money up for trips and other things. Its also nice cause i'm able to buy some things I'll like and be able to fit. (I've gained weight. so some of my clothes no longer flatter me!)  Like I want to go to Japan, and thats a big trip to save for.  But I also want to do a lot of fun and "summer-ish" things. Like I want to go to tofino, I want to go camping. I would love to go off to parksvillle to see the sand scupltures. And a lot of other things. :) 

Piggy Sitting! + Piggy related stuff

So for the summer I'm going to start piggy sitting. I'm also adding other small animals to my list of what I'll sit. Like Hamsters and other small rodent like creatures. Not birds cause I find them kinda loud, and trying to get them back in their cage can sometimes be... difficult. To say the least.  But I'm really hoping I can mostly baby sit guinea piggies for people.

It would be at other peoples houses, not mine. Cause I want my place to stay a home for two piggy girls, nothing else.

I'm excited because I've had a couple of people message me now about piggy sitting and once people reply with dates and info and stuff I can start planning a time table around who I'm pet sitting for and I can start to plan and figure out stuff. :)

Oh and my piggy girls are doing wonderful! They have been really happy. =) They've also gotten really big. I didn't notice the size, my boyfriend pointed it out to me that they got huge.  Oh and today they got spoiled! They got a two new tunnels for them to play in.  And tunnels are a guinea pigs favorite toy. So they are very happy.

 I also will be saving some money up for them so when my boyfriend and I go to Japan, the piggy girls will have a place to go. :) Cause we've been looking into that. Some places charge $100 per week for piggies to stay in town.  But at least I can bring them to a place that'll give them a lot of love and care. =) 

I WANT TO GO TO JAPAN!

I really want to go to Japan. And now that my boyfriend has gone to europe I feel like I need to hurry up! I really want to go to everywheres in japan and I would love to go during all of the seasons. Including the summer, even though the summer is like really hot and I'll probably melt. But I first really want to go to Tokyo.  Cause Tokyo is the first city I want to go to first. 

I really want to go to:

Disney Sea 

Studio Ghibli Museum 

Owl Cafe 

Mt. Fuji 

Oh I would also love to spend two days wondering around Akihabra and also I would love to see some temples and other tourist things. I also would love to try on a kimono <3 Also cause I like the ocean. I would love to do a bit of beach combing. Cause I'm lame and I like sea shells and other pretty things from the beach. 

Oh and one of those fox or even deer island would be cool.

Me!

I bought myself a couple of piece of jewelry. I didn't spend a whole lot cause I want to try and save money, but I bought myself a lovely lotus flower necklace and also these really long lovely ear rings with a purple bracelet. I also got a second necklace. 

Oh yeah and thats me. =) I'm super cute!